Confident Guy

Confident guy

Ciaran Martin

C o n te n ts Section 1

Lessons 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

First Things First The Way It Is Know Thyself The Power of your Beliefs An Introduction to the 'Fact from Fiction' Method

10 min 15 min 45 min 30 min 20 min

3 4 6 12 16

30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min

20 24 28 32 36 40 44 48 51

45 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 15 min 20 min 20 min 30 min 21 days 30 min 15 min 7 days 60 min

55 58 63 68 73 78 85 88 93 96 100 103 106 109 113 116 118 121 123 126

Section 2

Exercises 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Approaching women is scary The world is out to get me Women don't want to be approached It's impolite to approach someone I don't know I shouldn't approach women during the day Women don't like sex Sex is wrong Picking up women is difficult A beautiful woman would not be interested in me

Section 3

More Exercises & Lessons L6. E10. E11. E12. E13. E14. E15. E16. E17. E18. E19. L7. L8. L9. L10. E20. L11. L12. E21. E22.

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Core Self Esteem Beliefs Being expressive is wrong Mistakes are bad I'm not lovable I'm not important There is something inherently wrong with me It's important people think well of me Conditioning 1 – Fear of Talking to Strangers Conditioning 2 – Fear of Rejection Conditioning 3 – Fear of Being Center of Attention Conditioning 4 – Fear of Failure Tr Trust Thyself Page Pick Up Lines, Tactics & Techniques The Power of Imagination Painting your Mental Picture 21 day regimen Escaping the Shyness Trap Inner Critic and Inner Rockstar The Hat Game No One is Thinking About You

C o n te n ts Section 1

Lessons 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

First Things First The Way It Is Know Thyself The Power of your Beliefs An Introduction to the 'Fact from Fiction' Method

10 min 15 min 45 min 30 min 20 min

3 4 6 12 16

30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min

20 24 28 32 36 40 44 48 51

45 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 30 min 15 min 20 min 20 min 30 min 21 days 30 min 15 min 7 days 60 min

55 58 63 68 73 78 85 88 93 96 100 103 106 109 113 116 118 121 123 126

Section 2

Exercises 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.

Approaching women is scary The world is out to get me Women don't want to be approached It's impolite to approach someone I don't know I shouldn't approach women during the day Women don't like sex Sex is wrong Picking up women is difficult A beautiful woman would not be interested in me

Section 3

More Exercises & Lessons L6. E10. E11. E12. E13. E14. E15. E16. E17. E18. E19. L7. L8. L9. L10. E20. L11. L12. E21. E22.

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Core Self Esteem Beliefs Being expressive is wrong Mistakes are bad I'm not lovable I'm not important There is something inherently wrong with me It's important people think well of me Conditioning 1 – Fear of Talking to Strangers Conditioning 2 – Fear of Rejection Conditioning 3 – Fear of Being Center of Attention Conditioning 4 – Fear of Failure Tr Trust Thyself Page Pick Up Lines, Tactics & Techniques The Power of Imagination Painting your Mental Picture 21 day regimen Escaping the Shyness Trap Inner Critic and Inner Rockstar The Hat Game No One is Thinking About You

Section 4

Missions 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18.

Introduction to the Missions Easy peasy How do I get to the post office? Slow Things Down Small Talk Small Talk Part 2 Niteclub Niteclub Part 2 Niteclub Part 3 Niteclub Part 4 Mini date Daytime Venue Compliments Pe Persistence pays off! Have a seat The Art of Closing Groups Groups Part 2 Graduation Conclusion

30 min 15 min 30 min 60 min 60 min 60 min 60 min 30 min 30 min 90 min 60 min 45 min 60 min 60 min 60 min 60 min 60 min 60 min

127 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147

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Lesson 1

Estimated Time – 10 First Things First

Before proceeding with this program, we want you to first understand two basic facts, which, if you will accept fully, will take you a long way up the road to recovery from your anxieties and shyness around women. 1. You have a fear of approaching women - You're probably thinking 'duh, well that's obvious, I wouldn't have bought this crummy little program if I didn't have a fear of approaching women!?!' Let us clarify, we said that you have a fear of approaching and interacting with women. Note, we haven't said that you shouldn't have this fear of women or that it's wrong to have this fear. We simply want you to acknowledge reality as it is by accepting that you have a fear of approaching women and that you are shy and inhibited around members of the opposite sex. Too often people struggle to admit that they have such an odd neurosis, they feel embarrassed or ashamed. They may e ven go further than that and positively hate or revile themselves for having such 'issues'. The assumption underlying this treatment is that most people think that if they label a particular behaviour as 'bad' or 'undesirable' it will help them stop acting that way in the future. As we're sure you've found a nd as we will later explain in the program, the opposite is true; the act of labelling a particular behaviour as 'bad' or 'undesirable' only serves to reinforce the behaviour! Now you can continue to hate and disown these issues you have, you can continue to label yourself a bad person, a coward or a loser for having these fears and inhibitions around women but none of this will detract or alter the basic fact that you have a fear of approaching women, that you are shy. The reality is that with the beliefs you've taken on from your childhood onwards there is no other way you could possibly feel. You are doing the very b est you can with the beliefs and conditionings you have been burdened with. It is impossible for you to do any better... so quit hating yourself for fearing women. Consequently, for the duration of this program, we'd like you to try something new. We want you to just accept the reality of the situation as it is, without judging it as bad. We want you to simply observe the fear response as it is without attaching any sort of judgement to it. See those little butterflies in your  stomach that occur when you attempt to talk to a woman as just another happening in the world like the leaves falling from the tree or the sun rising. Contrary to popular belief, acceptance of a perceived 'undesirable' behaviour doesn't mean becoming resigned to always having that behaviour. You will find instead that simple nonjudgemental observation of your fear will do more to undo the automaticity of the behaviour than a lifetime of self-criticism will ever, ever accomplish. 2. It is really not that big a deal Secondly we want you to get some perspective on your fear. It's really not that big a deal! Millions of guys the world over, who have a fear of approaching women, go on and live rich and fulfilling lives in spite of this fear. It's not a life requirement that you must be able to fearlessly approach women anytime anywhere. 99% of men can't do it! Chances are your fear will not even stop you finding a nice girl to settle down with. So remember it's not life or death if you continue to f ear  approaching and interacting with women, so stop treating it as a critical, life or death matter. Instead treat the skill of approaching, flirting, dating and seducing women without fear or inhibition as something that would be nice to have, as opposed to something that is absolutely essential to have. Maintain a detached interest in your progress.

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Lesson 2

Estimated Time – 15 THE WAY IT IS…..

1. In the beginning, you are born into this world with no con cept of self, of the world you live in or the people around you. You are simply pure consciousness/awareness. A blank slate waiting to be written upon. 2. As you move through you life.. -your genetic predisposition -childhood experiences -actions/inactions -successes/failures cause you to form… 3. …your Mental Picture of "Reality" which is made up of your beliefs and values (or in other words, your notions, guesses and assumptions largely borne out of ignorance of what is actually going on in the world). Your Mental Picture of "Reality" is in effect what you think the world to be and your role and value in it. Your Mental Picture is completely personal to you and has existence purely within your own mind. Just like your fingerprints, your Mental Picture is completely different to everyone else's in the world. The way you see the world is completely unique to you. 4. The difficulty however, is that you identify with this self-created Mental Picture of Reality so much that it becomes for all intents and purposes your actual objective Reality. You in effect, believe your Mental Picture of Reality so much that the line of distinction between your subjective mental interpretations of  reality and actual reality become blurred. You act in accordance not with actual reality, but rather with the mental picture of reality you hold in your head. 5. This Mental Picture in turn determines your feelings, actions, goals, aspirations and attitudes… 6. ..which create your achievements, your rewards, your contributions and overall sense of happiness and self worth. Your Mental Picture of Reality as opposed to Actual Reality determines everything important in your life!?!

Imagine your subconscious mind as large empty room with one door at the front. The front entrance is protected by a security guard. The guard represents your conscious reasoning mind. His primary job is to limit entry into the room according to certain specific criteria. When you were born, there was a pretty loose dress code and the guard let in anyone who asked. As you moved through life and experienced various new experiences and happenings, your room began to fill up with a variety of beliefs and opinions about yourself and your world. These beliefs and opinions joined together to form a kind of exclusive club, eventually determining your personality and becoming quite assertive about it. In fact, so demanding did this club become, at some point they be gan telling the guard at the door who he should let in. When the subconscious mind (the exclusive club) didn't feel comfortable with a new applicant (a new belief or idea), he was refused access. The club h ad a policy of only allowing admission to those applicants who were compatible with the long term residents. If the current residents believed for example that you were bad at sport then the group would not entertain letting in someone who believed you were.

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How have you been programmed? You came into the world, a total blank slate, with no inbuilt prejudices, inclinations or preset ways of  thinking. You had no self-concept of yourself as a separate individual entity and as a consequence, you were completely egocentric by design. By this, it is meant that as a child you took everything personally. The impact of not having one's parents' time creates the feeling of being worthless. The child is worth less than his parents' time, attention or direction. The young child's egocentricity always interprets events egocentrically. If Mom and Dad are not present, the child thinks it is because of him 'There must be something wrong with me or they would want to be with me.' Children are egocentric by nature (not by choice). We as children had no experience of the world; we needed our parents' experience and we were therefore completely dependent on our parents. It was because of the very nature of this relationship that we afforded our parents God-like status. They were absolutely infallible and correct in all that they did; to consider otherwise would produce unbearable anxiety in our young minds. But the reality is that are parents weren't Gods. They were flawed (at times deeply flawed) human beings just as we are. They did dumb things, they did thoughtless things; they did things without considering the consequences it would have in our lives. The two primary causes of all emotional and behavioral problems are the dual evils of 'love withheld' and 'destructive criticism'. These two parental tactics have probably ruined more lives than the effects of cancer, poverty, alcohol and drug addiction combined. Of all the discomforts a child can suffer, the withdrawal of love and approval of the parent is the most traumatic and frightening. Children have an intense need for emotional security, love, support and protection. Without a continuous and unbroken flow of unconditional love, the child's security is threatened. Frustrated, the child loses his spontaneity and fearlessness. Life stops being an interesting game and from childhood onwards, we instead get sucked into the endless 'chore' of seeking love or  compensating for the lack of love.

In our formative years; the general nature of the parental attention we receive goes a little something like "Don't!?!" "You're a bold boy", "Stop that!" "Be quiet" . The young child, unaware of the mores and regulations of the adult community, gets a very distinct message in the hostility being expressed toward him. The child is being shown that what he does makes others unhappy. In effect, when he is being happy (throwing blocks, kicking the ball against the window, ripping paper, drawing with crayons on the wall) others become unhappy. He does not understand that it is not him, but rather the consequences of  his actions that are causing his parents discomfort. Nevertheless the belief implicitly communicated to the youngster is that "He causes unhappiness" in others. The ultimate message: "There must be something wrong with me" or "I am bad when I'm just being myself". In this purposeful way, you are force-fed a constant stream of negative suggestions, unwittingly, by those who love you the most. The process of programming does not stop when we leave the family home and move through the world. The role of TV, school, peer groups and the culture you live in all have a part to play in screwing you up. Each of us acquires, on our path of life; a whole host of socially induced beliefs and rules and the tendency is to look down on those who break these 'rules'. We judge those who get poor grades, who work a certain job, who get pregnant at a young age, who worship a different God and who dress a certain way purely as a result of the social beliefs in our head. 'There was once a baby lion left by its dying mother among some sheep. The sheep fed it and gave it  shelter. The lion grew apace and said "Ba - a - a" when the sheep said "Ba - a - a". One day another lion came by. "What do you do here?" said the second lion in astonishment: for he heard the sheep - lion bleating with the rest. "Ba - a - a," said the other. "I am a little sheep, I am a little sheep, I am frightened."  "Nonsense!" roared the first lion, "come with me; I will show you." And he took him to the side of a smooth stream and showed him that which was reflected therein. "You are a lion; look at me, look at the sheep,

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look at yourself." And the sheep - lion looked, and then he said, "Ba - a - a, I do not look like the sheep -it is true, I am a lion!" and with that he roared a roar that shook the hills to their depths'. Swami Vivekananda

We are lions in sheep's clothing of habit. W e are hypnotised into weakness by our surroundings, be they the surroundings of the childhood home or the wider society as a whole. But just because we believe ourselves to be sheep does not make it so and at any time we can realise our true nature if we learn how to step outside of our own belief systems!

Lesson 3

Estimated Time - 45 Know Thyself 

Since our actions, feelings and thoughts are consistent with our Mental Picture of Reality, it is necessary that we become more familiar with the nature and operating principles that underpin this paradigm. What follows is a little technical and a little philosophical but your understanding is crucial for what is to follow so please try to approach this material with a fresh and open mind and give yourself plenty of time to digest it.

1. First we have actual reality By Actual REALITY what we mean is all the organisms, objects (both animate and inanimate), moving bodies and phenomena that constitute the world and universe we live in. The birds, the bees, the sun, the sky, rocks, cars, humans, antelopes and everything in between. The most important thing to understand about Actual REALITY is that it is inherently neutral and inherently MEANINGLESS. Nowhere in actual reality do concepts like 'good' , 'bad', 'beautiful' or 'ugly' exist. All these are subjective interpretations which are strictly dependent on the person perceiving them. A war may be ugly to one; to another it represents glorious liberation. A woman may be beautiful to one but to another she is merely plain or downright ugly. A mouse may be a vile creature to one; to another it is a beloved pet. If concepts like 'beautiful' , 'ugly' or 'vile' were inherent in the event, person or creature then EVERYONE would see it the same way! The war, the woman and the mouse just simply are. To use another example to demonstrate, lets consider a young man who is saying farewell to his family as he leaves for college for the very first time. The departing son is filled with a mixture of anticipation and anxiety as he ponders the new people he will get to meet but also the fact that he will know nobody. To his mom, the event is a sad one as she witnesses her son leave the family nest possibly forever. To his dad, the event fills him with pride as he sees his son make his first steps out into the big wide world. To his kid brother, the event is a joyous one as it means he will have exclusive access to the Nintendo W ii from now on. To a stranger walking past on the opposite side of the street, the event means nothing as he knows none of the people involved. One event with 5 different meanings and because of this we can say that the event in and of itself has no single inherent meaning. Instead meanings are generated and are unique to the person perceiving them.

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There is an inherent 'isness' to things that is beyond personal subjective interpretations. When you strip away all the meanings, interpretations and mental commentary, you are left with Actual REALITY. REALITY isn't the way you wish things to be, nor the way they appear to be, but rather the way they actually are. A chair is not 'comfy' , it is just a chair. Money is not 'the root of all evil', it is just money. A baby is not 'adorable' , it is just a baby. Comfy, evil and adorable are not p hysical facts, only mental concepts that we as human beings put on things. Even labels such as 'chair', 'money' and 'baby' are not inherent in the objects, they are just labels we have attached to them as well. A French person or a Chinese person would call them by different labels.

Exercise 1 - Nothing I See Means Anything! Look slowly around you, and practice applying this idea very specifically to whatever you see: Look at the table and note that it does not mean anything, it is just a table. In fact it is not even a 'table' , it is just an object. This chair does not mean anything, it is just a chair. This hand does not mean anything, it is just a hand. This foot does not mean anything, it is just a foot. This pen does not mean anything, it is just a pen. Once you have become accustomed to the idea that nothing has any inherent meaning, broaden the scope of your application…begin applying it indiscriminately to the people and things that pass in and out of your experience over the next day or two. This exercise shouldn't become ritualistic so don't apply it to everything you perceive, just whatever happens to capture your  senses. You may notice things like the following: Death does not mean anything. It is just a process. Matt Damon does not mean anything. He is just a person. An animate object. The Super Bowl does not mean anything. It is just a series of moving bodies running around a patch of grass. Rainfall does not mean anything. It is just a natural phenomenon. Approaching women does not mean anything. It is just the act of walking up to the female of the species.

 You get the idea!

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2…then we have our subjective 'REALITY' (or Mental Picture of 'REALITY')  As you sit here now, you may believe that you perceive reality as it actually is (i.e. Actual objective REALITY) but in fact what you are actually perceiving is REALITY subject to your mental processes (subjective REALITY). This idea will become clearer if we explore the processes that are actually going on in your head right now. For the sake of simplicity, we will confine our study to just four of your conscious mental processes. The first of these processes is PERCEPTION. Neurologists estimate that about two million signals or  stimuli come into your central nervous system every second. Now of course, you are not consciously, perceiving all of these stimuli. Instead a series of discriminating filters send most of the incoming signals and stimuli to various parts of the brain were they are processed without your conscious awareness. The filtering mechanism (known as the Reticular Activating System) allows only that information which is 'important' to you to pass through to a conscious aware level. Examine how this process is working right now. To the degree that you are concentrated on reading the words on your computer screen, a multitude of sensory inputs, sounds, odours and other information happening in and outside of your body is being ignored. For instance, notice for a moment the feeling of  your skin against your clothes or the rhythmic motion of your breath. Most of the time you are not aware of these stimuli for the simple reason your awareness of them is not that important for your daily functioning. Once however a particular signal or stimulus is perceived the next process that happens is ASSOCIATION. Become conscious for a second of what is happening as you read this material. As your  eyes scan the words on this page, you are simultaneously scanning the files in your brain to find information from your vast bulk of accumulated data which seems to verify or disprove the ideas currently being put forth. If you have an 'a-ha' moment while reading this text, it is simply because your brain has registered it with some pre-existing piece of information in your storage files. In the same way you have probably had the experience of hearing a song on the radio or smelling a particularly pleasant aroma which brought you back to some particular time in your life wherein that song or that scent had some particular relevance. Again this is evidence of the association process in action. This process is going on constantly and every perception you receive is associated with the already existing accumulation of  information, beliefs and feelings in your mental storage system. The next step, after a stimuli has been perceived and associated with previous information on file is the process of EVALUATION. Based upon your previous experience with similar stimuli, your brain will decide whether the current stimulus has importance or value to you? What are the probable consequences of acting or not acting? The final step of the p rocess is DECISION. Having perceived, associated and evaluated the signal the next step is to decide whether to act, to wait for more information or to simply do nothing. Let's see how this process works when specifically applied to approaching women. Let's imagine you are in a club and there is an attractive woman by the bar. In objective reality you would describe her as a female, five foot two inches, brown ha ir, she is wearing tight denim trousers and a tight figure-hugging white vest. She is holding a glass in her hands that contains an alcoholic liquid. These are the actual objective FACTS of the situation. This is the actual REALITY of the situation However let's explore what happens from your point of view. Of course, all these process happen in the blink of an eye but we will slow things down and really try to take you through each stage. You enter the club and you have determined what is important to you is to find some female company for  the evening! Your brain then phases out all the other e xtraneous things going on in your environment that are not important to this objective: the music in the background, the various odours, the other males in the club and women that aren't your type. Your consciousness is then focused on the sole task of scanning the room for attractive girls. You then spot the girl; it may only take the merest momentary sight of her  blond hair or breasts for your consciousness to be hooked.

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 At that point instead of appraising what is happening in your environment at that very moment, your brain instead begins to scan your memory banks for previously stored bits of data that co uld 'help' explain what is really happening right now. In a split second, your brain will throw up all manner of information into your  consciousness. First, it will tell you that based on your interpretations of prior experience 'a girl like her  would not be interested in you', then it might tell you that 'girls don't want to be approached' or that 'you aren't the type of person that approaches girls he doesn't know' . Finally it might determine that there is some inherent threat in you approaching the girl such as the possible risk of rejection or ridicule by your  peers. Based on these associations, your mind will then evaluate the likelihood of your succeeding and the possible risks involved. Finally once this evaluation process is complete, the decision is made, more often than not, to not approach the girl. This is not a new or novel story but is played out by guys in every club, coffee shop, college dorm and street corner around the world. The important thing to take from all this is to realise that our decisions are not simply a f unction of what is happening out there in ACTUAL REALITY or even a fraction of what is actually happening. Rather your  decisions are primarily a function of what has already happened…namely the beliefs and conditionings that has cumulatively developed within your mental processes over the years you've been on this planet.

Exercise 2 - I have given everything I see all the meaning that it has for me. After the first exercise in this lesson, you should probably appreciate now that nothing has an inherent meaning. However for this exercise we want you to begin looking around and start to see the amount of meanings that you have actually superimposed on things. Have you labelled the book you are currently reading a 'good' book or a 'bad' one? Is the view from your window a 'beautiful' one? Is the girl you see at the bus stop every day, a ' pretty' girl or an 'ugly' girl? Now see what meanings you may have put on the following: Teenage pregnancy Paris Hilton George W. Bush Osama Bin Laden  Your old school principal Breasts Rap music A sunny day

 Your mother 

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The Iraq War  Approaching women

This exercise should demonstrate the degree you have put labels, beliefs and meanings on meaningless events and things! In fact you will probably find that you have filled your whole meaningless world with an infinite number of meanings!

3….but your Mental Picture of Reality is often times inaccurate or incomplete Ok thus far we have established that we have actual reality (what is actually happening ) and your mental picture of reality (what our mind is telling is happening based on previous accumulated information) and that our actions and decisions are based on the latter. The next important thing to realise, if you haven't done so already, is that our Mental Picture of reality is not necessarily an accurate reflection of reality as it actually is. No matter how long or intensively you study, you do not and probably never will know everything there is to know about everything. In fact it is generally the case that the more you learn about something, the more you realise how little you know. Your mind can only ever store your thoughts and feelings about a particular subject not the actual reality of that subject. Invariably then, there will be distortions in the system. You will make decisions, which are based on misinterpretations or downright ignorance of what is really happening out there in actual reality. For  instance at one point in your life, you may have believed in Santa Claus. You accepted suggestions from your family or the media and became convinced that Santa Claus actually existed as a living breathing entity. Of course however, actual reality was altogether different. In a similar way, perhaps you recall a time when you watched a scary movie and the strong feelings of fear it evoked actually convinced you, for  a little while at least, that the serial killer or monster was actually waiting for you under your bed when you went to sleep that night. In objective reality again, there was no monster under the bed.  Alfred Korzybski, creator of the science of General Semantics stated that 'the map is not the territory' . By this he meant that in much the same way a map, no matter how detailed, is never exactly the same as the territory it is intended to represent; your Mental Picture of Reality is merely a map of reality, which you have personally designed and is not nor never will be e xactly the same as the actual Reality that is happening outside of your carcass. While you are a lot better off having this map than not having it, your  map is nevertheless missing out on a lot of other information in your environment.

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Exercise 3 - I do not understand anything I see. Apply this idea in the same way as the previous ones, without making distinctions of any kind. Whatever you see becomes a proper subject for applying the idea. Be sure that you do not question the suitability of anything for application of this idea. These are not exercises in  judgment. Anything is suitable if you see it. Some of the things you see may have emotionally charged meaning for you. Try to lay such feelings aside, and merely use these things exactly as you w ould anything else. For instance if there is someone in your life that you have labeled a 'bad' person for instance, set aside that label for a second and just consider how little you actually know about that person. Realise how little you know about his or her upbringing, thoughts, fears, frustrations, interests and opinion of themselves? Realise how little you know of the events or things that may have happened this person growing up and how they effected him or her? Realise too, how little you really know about all the 'good' things he may have done in the course of his life? What about death? If again, you've labeled this as 'scary' or 'frightening' , consider too, in setting these labels aside for a moment; how little you actually know about the process of death. Do you know what actually happens at the point of death? Does some part of your consciousness survive the death of the physical body? Do you go to a heaven or a hell? Is there even such a thing? Or how about women? Again set aside your labels, assumptions and beliefs and consider how little you really know about women or even a particular woman or even your own mother (she's a woman too ya know!?!). Consider how little you know a bout their desires, dreams, frustrations? Or how they see themselves? Or how they see the world? Or what really matters to them?

The point of the exercises is to help you clear your mind of all past associations, to see things exactly as they appear to you now, and to realize how little you really understand about them. It is therefore essential that you keep a perfectly open mind, unhampered by judgment, in selecting the things to which this experiment is to be applied.

To sum up try to think of it like this; right now you are effectively looking at the world through a dirty window. While you can pick up a general idea of what's going on out there in the world, the dirt and grime on the window is obscuring your vision of things. Our goal then is to clean up your window on the world a little so you can begin to get a better idea of what's really going on and respond appropriately. This lesson is important so as a way of understanding it more deeply we suggest you read it one or two more times. Once you've done this we also suggest you jot down what you believe to be the key points of  this lesson in your own words in the text box below. You will digest the information in these lessons better if you do your own analysis and summation as opposed to passively reading the material.

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Lesson 4

Estimated Time – 30 The Power of your Beliefs "People are not disturbed by things as they are, but by the view they take of them."  - Epictetus

Imagine for a second there is a person, (we'll call him Tom) standing in a room. Tom has the belief that 'mice are scary'. Now imagine a mouse is released into this room. What do you think would happen? Chances are the appearance of this mouse would cause Tom to become very afraid and he would likely start to jump or squeal if the mouse scuttled nearby. Now imagine another person, Larry, who doesn't have the belief 'mice are scary'; enters the room. How would he react do you think? A lot differently from Tom you'd expect. He probably wouldn't pass any remarks on the mouse as it scuttled about the room. Well then the question that needs to be asked is what is really causing Tom's fear. It cannot be that the mouse is inherently scary, for if that were the case then surely Larry would be afraid also. If we accept this proposition then we must conclude that it is Tom's belief  that is causing the fear. Tom is reacting not to the mouse itself but rather to the idea or belief in his head that the mouse is scary. Beliefs are the dirt on your cognitive windshield. Beliefs are what cloud your vision from seeing reality as it ACTUALLY is. Your Mental Picture of Reality is your belief system. But what exactly are your beliefs. Essentially your beliefs are what you hold to be true about the world you live in. They are the subjective mental interpretations or labels you have used to describe the meaningless events and happenings out there in the world. For all intents and purposes your be liefs are what you hold fact in your world. When we believe something we, in effect, attribute physical or actual existence to something that is merely a mental concept! When we believe something, in effect, we treat it just as if it was a fact that has always existed in the world even prior to our discovering it. That's important so we'll repeat it… When we believe something, in effect, we treat it just as if it was a fact that has always existed in the world even prior to our discovering it . For instance when we believe something like 'I am not important'. We believe that it's always been a fact out there in the world that we are unimportant and that we've just now realised this fact. W e then begin to act unimportant because well 'that's just the way it is'. We do not put our opinions across because we feel what we have to say is unimportant. We do not ask for that pay-rise because we believe we are unimportant in our job. W e do not approach girls because we believe there are more important people they could be intimate with. However at all times, the reality of  the situation is that your belief is an illusion, it has no physical existence whatsoever! It is not a fact, it is  just a subjective interpretation, assumption or guess about what you see, hear and otherwise perceive with your senses. That's important too so we'll repeat that as well, beliefs are not facts, they are just interpretations, assumptions or guesses about what you see, hear and otherwise perceive with your senses.  A belief is formed when you perceive a meaningless event or series of events such as say your parents scolding you as a child for breaking a mirror. Now this event could have any number of meanings such as 'Your parents were angry that you broke the mirror', 'Your parents were having a bad day and overreacted', 'Your parents lacked the necessary parental training in order to teach you proper boundaries so they thought b y being angry with you it would stop you from doing it ever again!'. Now because it could have had a ny number of meanings, it was in effect meaningless in and of itself. The event had no inherent meaning.

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However from your point of view the meaning you may have put on this event was that 'my parents get angry at me when I'm just playing…they mustn't love me…I must be unlovable!' Now this meaning has about as much validity as any other of the previously mentioned meaning but because you accepted it, it became a fact to you while the other interpretations didn't. You now accept you are an unlovable person and all future meanings put on meaningless events will be along those lines. All future rejections will be treated as reinforcement of the 'fact' you are not lovable. If a girl dumps you it is because you are not 'lovable'. If you smile at the cute brunette at the bar a nd she doesn't smile back its because you a re not 'lovable'. If the girl refuses to give you her phone number its because you are not 'lovable'. All other valid interpretations (interpretations such as 'she has a boyfriend', 'I'm just not her type, but that doesn't mean I couldn't be someone else's type' or 'she ma y be having a bad day') are disregarded in favour of the interpretation that 'I am unlovable'.

EXPERIMENT WHERE ARE YOUR BELIEFS? Point at something nearby and look at it. You are observing a 'thing'. In other words, from your perspective it has form, colour, opacity…. Now point at something else, perhaps the rug

on your floor. Observe that it too, is a 'thing'. ok

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Point at your shoe. Another 'thing'. Now we come to the most important part. Point to 'lovable'. Can you point to 'lovable'? W hat does it look like? Does it have a color or a shape? How about 'unworthy'? Can you find 'unworthy' somewhere in your  environment? Maybe get the help of a friend and try to find 'unworthy'? Maybe take a photo of it. How about 'scary'? Can you find 'scary'? W here is 'scary' located? Can you go somewhere and get a bucket full of 'scary'?

You might at this point be thinking 'if my beliefs don't really exist then why have they had such a dramatic impact on your life?' Firstly the reason your beliefs have affected you so much to this point is that u p till now you haven't made the distinction between Actual REALITY and your Mental Picture of 'REALITY' that you are perceiving all the time. Up to now you have believed your fears and anxieties around women were based on your  direct perception of Actual REALITY instead of realising they were based on the mass of beliefs and conditionings accumulated from your interpretations of previous life events. 99.99999999999% of the world's population fail to ever make this distinction…that is why there is so much conflict in the world. Everybody h as their own subjective reality, their own picture of how the world is, but at the same time we are working under the mistaken assumption that the reality we perceive is the true picture of reality and that everyone should feel the same way. W e are engaged in a process of selfdeception.  As a result of this, everyone's personal Reality structure looks a little something like this: Good is what I do; bad is what you do. Right is what I do; wrong is what you do. Honest is what I do; dishonest is what you do. Fair is what I do; unfair is what you do. Moral is what I do; immoral is what you do. Ethical is what I do; unethical is what you do.

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Secondly, beliefs are self-reinforcing. If you believe for example that you are unlovable, this will be exhibited in your behaviour. You will either not approach women because you think 'what's the point, she could never love me!' or you will try hard to make yourself lovable by overcompensating. You will consciously try to act out the actions and beliefs that you think will make her love you. You will 'try' to act like an alpha male or be 'cocky & funny'. However because these are only tactics and techniques that work on the surface of your personality, you often come off as seeming 'fake' or 'trying too hard'. This causes the girl you approach not to feel attracted to you. As a result of this you have now have solid evidence and reinforcement for your belief that 'I'm not lovable'. The reality is however that outside events did not provide reinforcement for your belief, rather your beliefs and your consequent behaviour  provoked reinforcement from the world (i.e. the girl). Because the mind is always engaged in a process of reinforcing your existing beliefs, your mind is essentially blinded to possibilities that run counter to your beliefs. When you are trapped in the belief that 'I am not lovable', your mind does not recognise the ways in which people do find you lovable, it is just not part of the programming. This means that you are constantly engaged in a process of self deception. 'The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that  we fail to notice there is little we can do to change until we notice how failing to notice shapes our  thoughts and deeds.' R.D. Laing  Take some time to read over this lesson and jot do wn what you consider to be the key points in the text box below

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Lesson 5

Estimated Time – 20 An Introduction to the 'Fact from Fiction' Method

 As we have said, the world, the events and happenings in it are meaningless. Our problem is however, that we put meanings and labels on these meaningless events and objects. W hile the meanings we put on the meaningless world are just mere interpretations of what we see, hear or perceive with our other  senses, we become so attached to these labels that they actually become indistinguishable from the thing itself. When for instance you think of a rat, you cannot think of it without also thinking of your beliefs about rats…be they 'rats are disgusting', 'rats are diseased' or 'I'm terrified of rats' . In reality, you have a distinct weight, height and strength advantage over rodents so realistically they should hold no fear for you. Your  actions and decisions however, on encountering the rat are influenced by your beliefs and not by reality, so as is often the case, you may be very afraid when you see a rodent. Similarly, many guys are terrified of beautiful women. They cower and cringe at the mere sight of an attractive girl. However, setting aside your beliefs for a second, is there anything a ctually inherent in an attractive woman to make her so darn terrifying? Does she spit venom from her mouth? Does she have violent psychotic tendencies? Is she likely to beat you up or physically assault you? No, of course not. The problem is that we have amassed such an amount of negative beliefs and become so attached to them that again the reality of the situation has become indistinguishable from our beliefs about it. If our mind has become so muddled then we need a process where we can clearly separate and perceive in our mind the difference between reality as it actually is and our mental fictions about reality. We need to determine whether our beliefs are fact or fiction. The actual core of the 'Nervous Guy' process is based on this central point…if for instance you think 'I am not lovable' is an actual fact then it should share the characteristics of a fact. Well what are the characteristics of a fact? We can all say gravity is a fact but what makes it a fact as opposed to just an idea. W ell the first big clue is that the phenomenon we label 'gravity' is something that can be perceived with our five physical senses. Secondly (but this is not necessarily always the case!) is the fact that everybody believes in gravity! Generally everyone sees it the same way and acknowledges its existence. Even if somebody didn't believe in gravity and they tried to jump off a cliff, gravity would still apply to them, regardless of their beliefs about the existence of gravity! What's more there aren't exceptions where gravity 'kind of' applies or 'sort of'  applies … where gravity exists as a fact, it exists… to say otherwise is like a woman saying she is 'kind of' pregnant! Where a fact is in existence there should not be exceptions where it doesn't exist. To use a further example to illustrate, the car parked on the street outside your window is a fact. You can perceive it directly with your physical senses. You can see it, touch it, smell it; maybe even taste it if you were so inclined. Also, everyone walking by would be in agreement that it exists. They too, can touch it, see it, hear the sound of its engine when it's turned on. It is a real tangible fact out there in the world, in  Actual Reality. Even if you didn't believe there was a car parked on the street; if you stepped out in front of it when it started to move then you'd sure know it was a fact then!?! If an extraterrestrial landed on this planet and saw the car, he sure would be able to tell it existed, he mightn't know what it is or what it does but he'd be able to discern some large metallic structure on the street. However is something like 'approaching women is scary' a fact? Can you directly perceive this at work in the world? Are there guys who have no fear about approaching women? If there existed some actual genuine threat in the process, surely they would be just as susceptible to it as you. Why do girls have no fear about approaching other girls? Seeing as they are the physically weaker sex should they not fear  walking up to this supposedly terrifying beautiful woman more than you? If an alien crash-landed on earth, would he be able to discern some inherent threat or danger about the bigger, stronger sex approaching the smaller weaker sex?

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How about 'I'm not lovable' ? Is that really a fact out there in the world? What makes you unlovable, is it your nose? Your left ear? Your accent? Your bank balance? Are there p eople with similar noses, ears, accents or bank balances who are still lovable? Would a stranger who passed by you on the street be able to tell that you are not lovable or worthy of love. W ould you be able to tell that of someone else? Is lovable-ness something bestowed on you at birth like the colour of your eyes or your fingers or your toes? If an alien landed on planet earth, would he be able to separate the lovable people from the unlovable people?

The questions that follow are what make up the process and are designed to truly separate fact from mental fiction! They are designed to take your fears and insecurities out of the realm of objective facts over which you have no control into the realm of sub jective interpretation of which you have total control. Is it a fact? If it's a fact then prove it? If you no longer had the belief, would it still be a fact? If you were a Martian who crash-landed on this planet, with no conception of this world and everything in it, would you also see it as a fact? Can you recall times when your belief seemed not to be a fact? If it's not a fact out there in the world, then is it real to you that it's just an idea in your head? If its just an idea, are there better ideas to explain what's going on?

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Lets look at each question more deeply…Don't worry if this seems overly technical at the moment; when it comes to actually doing the exercises, it's a whole lot simpler in practice! Intellectually you might know it is stupid to have a particular negative limiting belief, but that is not enough! If deep down at an emotional gut level you think this particular belief is true at least on some level (irregardless of how irrational it is) then make no mistake, it is operating in your life 1. Is it a fact? The question here is not if you feel it is true or that it might be true. The question is, is this belief an actual fact operating out there in the real world? Can you pe rceive it with your five senses? Can you touch the belief? Can you taste it? W hat does it smell like? Can you even see it in the way you can see the fingers on your hand or that car parked on your street? Don't use other p eople's feelings, attitudes or reactions as proof of the truth of your be lief! They could be just as much victims of these false beliefs as you are! For example say you have the belief that 'approaching women is scary' , the fact that some other people too are afraid of approaching women is not necessarily cogent proof that approaching women is actually scary. It could just mean that they share the same beliefs as you do. The question is; can you directly perceive it, can you see it? Touch it? Taste it? Smell it? 2. If it's a fact then prove it! If you're treating this as a fact then there should be some objective proof. Gravity is a fact because we see its effects all around use, the computer that you are reading this from is a fact because you can see it and touch it…but is your particular belief really a fact? Because you can't really trust what your own mind is telling you about reality it is necessary then, in effect, to get out of your own 'headspace' and see the world through different eyes or from different perspectives in order to get a fuller picture of what's really going on? These next two questions are designed to facilitate the widening of your vision 3. If you no longer had the belief, would it still be a fact? If you were absolutely incapable of even thinking this belief, if the thought never crossed your mind, would the belief nevertheless, continue to be a fact out there in the world? In much the same way that Santa Claus ceased to exist once you stopped believing in him, would 'facts' like 'I'm not important' or 'I'm not lovable' cease to exist if you stopped believing in them? 4. If you were a Martian who crash-landed on this planet, with no conception of this world and everything in it, would you also see it as a fact? This is a fun question because it asks you to get in the headspace of an entity whose mind is essentially a complete blank slate…one who has no preconceived notion of the social mores or regulations of the culture you live in. You get to look at things as if for the very first time with a clear open mind. By looking at things with a mind free from beliefs, you get to see reality as it is, not as you think it is. You get to see if a fear of approaching and interacting with women would really make sense to an extraterrestrial visitor. 5. Can you recall times w hen your belief seemed not to be a fact?-  A fact is a fact. In much the same way that you cannot be 'kind of' pregnant, if something like 'approaching woman is scary' is an actual fact, there cannot be times when it is not a fact or not really a fact. It either is or it isn't! This question therefore is an invitation to look back in your life and find incidents, observations or events where your belief; what you consider to be a fact; appeared not to be a fact! The more examples you can find the better! Don't limit yourself to your  own personal experiences, look at the experiences of your friends and other people as well. Find ten, twenty, a hundred contrary experiences! Your belief is an artificial construct of reality, the more doubt you can generate, the more violently you can shake this construct down to its very shaky foundations. 6. If it's just an idea, are there better ideas to explain what's going on? This is an invitation to you to find better beliefs and ideas with which to live by. With each alternative perspective you come up with, find ways that this just as adequately or even better explains than your original belief, what is really going on in reality. Look for direct evidence, anecdotal evidence, past experiences, experiences of others,

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anything you can find to justify your new belief…the more supporting evidence you can find for your  propositions the better! We'll also provide some help in considering other perspectives so don't worry if  you have trouble generating evidence for a new empowering belief.

The key to succeeding with this portion of the programme is to answer all the questions. By answering, it is not meant that you gloss over them in some shallow intellectually superficial sense. The questions are not designed to give you an intellectual answer. Rather the questions are designed to give you a deeper  knowing. On more than one occasion in your life you had someone teach you something- for example, how to solve a math problem. If your teacher was competent, you may have understood what to do. Moreover once you had performed the Math Problem, you had experienced doing it. If you continued studying and learning however, something quite special may have happened to you. One day you may have had a deeper sense of knowing, a flash of intuitive insight that allowed you to see the problem in a conceptually different light. You thought 'Aha, that's what the teacher meant! '. After this experience, you know the material in a different way. You now 'own' your understanding; it is yours. In a sense you are now like the first person who ever solved the problem. You actively created the answer for yourself as opposed to passively understanding the answer. It is this type of intuitive insight or 'aha' moment we are striving for here, but in order to get this, first you must earn it! In order to do this you have to give yourself mentally and emotionally to each question. Each question should be like the most important question you've ever been asked in your entire life. Your  imagination is a big weapon in your arsenal here; it is the gateway into the emotional part of your brain and nervous system…so use it! If you are asked to revisit some scene in your past or some hypothetical scene in the present; really go into that scene…notice all the details, smells and sounds. Notice every detail of the people in the scene, their expressions and what they're saying. If you're asked (and you will be) to look at the world through the eyes o f a Martian then really get into the alien's head. Picture yourself  crash-landing on earth; picture your grey, slimy skin. Capture that sense of utter bewilderment and fascination of seeing this strange new world for the very first time. If you can do this, really do this, then the intuitive insights will come and your success with this program will be assured.

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Exercise 1

Estimated Time – 30 Approaching women is scary

Many people believe there is just something inherently scary about approaching women. They seem to believe that the very act of walking up to a woman, who probably weighs about 90 lbs soaking wet, is somehow as scary as walking up to a lion or tiger. The source of this belief is obvious as the idea is everywhere... turn on your TV and you'll see teen comedies where the romantic hero nervously stutters and trembles when he decides to walk up to his dream girl and ask her to the prom. Walk into any bar and you'll see the biggest, strongest, toughest guys become as meek as a lamb in the presence of a beautiful woman. Browse the internet and you'll find hundreds of gurus promising a hundred different ways to eradicate your 'fear' of approaching women. Listen to advice from a friend who'll tell you to 'just do it' and walk up to that cute brunette by the dancefloor as he himself nervously sips his shot of whiskey for a little Dutch courage! The implied message in all these interactions is that approaching a woman is inherently scary, it is something that requires the aid of hypnosis, neuro linguistic programming or a hundred other therapeutic techniques if you are to ever  overcome it, more than that if you're ever going to meet that girl you like, you need to grow 'balls of steel'! But in reality is this really the case! Why do we need so much courage and willpower to approach a 90 lb woman? Is this really a necessity, or are we just trapped into believing something that is patently untrue? Remember give yourself time with each question. Get your mind quiet and still and let the answer emerge from within you. 1. Become aware of some object in your experience. For instance, pick up a p en, feel it in your hands. Right now, actually pick up a pen! We can say that this pen exists; it is a physical fact. Now open your  hand and let the pen drop to the ground, we can now also directly perceive a force o r phenomena called gravity which has caused the pen to fall to the ground. But in the same way is it really a fact that 'approaching women is scary' ? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? If it was really an actual fact in the way gravity or the pen is a fact then wouldn't everyone be afraid of approaching women? But is that really the case?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'there is something inherently scary about approaching women' ? Try and get into that headspace. Imagine as a result of this selective amnesia you just started going out and approaching women indiscriminately. If you were not even capable of thinking the thought that approaching women is scary would it still nevertheless be a fact out there in the world? W ould it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your  continued belief in it?

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3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. Get into that headspace. You arrive on planet earth, having no pre-conceived ideas of this new world you have come upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy; from a world whose values and whole way of life is completely different from our own. As you move through this strange new planet called earth, would it really make sense to you that the larger stronger member of the human species should be afraid of the smaller weaker member of the species? Would you be able to detect any inherent threat in the male walking up to the female? Isn't real to you that you wouldn't be able to detect any inherent danger in a man approaching a woman?

4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this fact was not actually a fact? Can you find times where you or your friends or someone you knew approached a girl and it wasn't a terrible ordeal or  terrifying, death-defying experience? Find as many incidents as you can from your own life experience or  things you've perceived which dispute the notion that approaching women is scary.

5. Is it real to you that 'approaching women is scary' is not really a fact that exists independently out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about approaching women is not scary? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in reality. You are not expected to take these points at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true o r at least possibly true? Your  discovery of your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or  through things you have perceived. •

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 Approaching women is is not scary. First of all, at a most obvious level, we have the inherent nature of man and woman. Men are by design physically stronger and more aggressive than women. In a physical confrontation between a man and a woman 99,999 out of a 100,000 times, a man will come out on top. You are therefore in no danger physically from approaching a woman. She will not hurt you or injure you nor does she have any desire to. You probably know a few women in your life already. Do you think any of them have a ny interest whatsoever in committing acts of  physical violence against you?

You will not be thrown in jail, executed or hung, drawn and quartered for approaching a woman. Society is not against you approaching women. In fact, society tries to encourage you to approach women. Nite-clubs, bars and 'speed dating' evenings are just some of the ways and means society tries to address the deep need in members of the both sexes to come together  and interact with one another.

Realistically the very worst thing that can happen in your approaching women is that your  advances are not reciprocated or to put it another way, you are rejected. rejected. Rejection is nothing to fear. Since the day you were born, you have encountered thousands of explicit and implicit rejections. You have been rejected countless times: by your parents; your teachers; your friends; your enemies; your peer group and your employers. You have been rejected in the playground: in the selection for sports teams: in job or college applications and yes, of course, by girls. More importantly, you have survived each and every one of these rejections. You have been rejected by the most important people in your life and have lived to tell the tale. What fear then should the prospect of being rejected by a complete stranger hold?

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The reason so many other men fear approaching women, is because they, like you, are suffering from similar forms of mental delusion. Instead of seeing the absolute Reality of the situation (as you are attempting to do), they are allowing misinterpretations from childhood experiences, societal mores and media brain washing to govern their thoughts, feeling and behaviour. They are trapped in the 'matrix'. Approaching women is not scary in any way but many men have developed phobias about it in much the same way that people develop phobias about the dark, rodents or flying for example. Like those fears and phobias, the fear of approaching women is completely unnecessary and out of sync with reality.

The fact that millions of people share the same vices does not make these vices virtues, the fact that they  share so many errors does not make the errors to be truths, and the fact that millions of people share the same forms of mental pathology does not make these people sane. Erich Fromm

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Exercise 2

Estimated Time – 30 The world is out to get me

It is a common belief of shy people that somehow the world is out to get them or that people will somehow take great interest in seeing them screw up or make a mistake. It is easy to see how this belief is acquired. Flick on your television and you will generally see the worst aspects of human nature broadcasted in bright shining Technicolor. The daily news feeds us daily with tales of murder, drug wars, disease, famine, death and various acts of cruelty. Chat shows and popular soap operas tell of cheating husbands, warring families and domestic and sexual abuse. Living with this constant barrage of negative suggestions, the world can 'seem' to be a pretty cruel place. W hen a belief like this is accepted, it causes us to become inhibited and afraid to fully express ourselves. We instead opt to fade into the background, become anonymous, in order to avoid to cruel taunts and reprimands of a cruel, vindictive world. Remember give yourself plenty of time to answer each question. Don't skip ahead because you think you know what the answer is? The insights will come when you give yourself time to really answer each and every question asked to the best of your a bility. 1. Become aware of some object in your experience. For instance, touch the chair you're sitting on, feel its texture in your hands, we can say that this chair e xists; it is a physical fact out there in objective reality. Now touch the floor. This too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact that 'The world is out to get  me/People want to see me fail' ? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively? Can you perceive this belief  with any of your five senses?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'The world is out to get me/People want to see me fail'? Try and get into that headspace. If you no longer believed this belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

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3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this new world you have entered into. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society, culture and way of life completely different to our own. From this point of view would you believe all these human creatures are out to get each other or that 'the world' was out to get certain individuals?

4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? Can you find times from your life where people didn't seem to want to see you fail or suffer? Find as many incidents as you can from your own life experience which would disprove the 'reality' that 'The world is out to get me/People want to see me fail' 

5. Is it real to you that 'The world is out to get me/People want to see me fail' is not really an actual fact out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about The world is a friendly place/People aren't out to get me ? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of  your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived. •

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Is it really the case that people are only interested in seeing you fail? In reality aren't people perhaps more preoccupied in making themselves happy and finding love and peace of mind in their own lives? If you think about it, don't you spend most if not all your time concerned with your  own life and on finding ways to make yourself happier. In fact do you even find the time in your  mental life to hope some other person fails or screws up? Isn't it real to you then that most people are exactly the same, namely that they just want a little more happiness and are not all that interested in seeing you fail (or succeed for that matter). They are by and large, ambivalent towards your fortunes and are too preoccupied with the problems and challenges in their own lives.

While from time to time, you will encounter people who take joy in your failing does this really provide an accurate reflection of how the general populace reacts? Is it possible these people's malice towards you may have more to do with their own deep underlying unhappiness or low selfesteem? Or perhaps you may have done something mean to them in the past? Look back, reflect on incidents in the past where people have been 'out to get you' and see if perhaps you had a hand in causing them to have ill feelings towards you. Perhaps you were mean or nasty to them too?

If you take the idea that people are out to get you on a global scale, does it hold up to scrutiny? If  everybody were out to get everybody else then would human relations even be possible? Would we not have destroyed ourselves centuries ago? While there are wars, isn't there also a lot of  peace and harmonious relations in the world, in countries and in communities?

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Isn't it more accurate to say even, that the world, by and large, supports you in everything you do? You have been given a body by nature that looks after all your vital functions such as breathing, digestion and circulation without any need for conscious effort on your part. You have been supported and nurtured both financially and emotionally by your parents. When you went to school, you were educated by a school and college system. You drive on roads, take public transport, live in airconditioned homes and even have your garbage taken away every week b y a so-called 'hostile world'! If you wish to learn a new skill or advance in some fashion, there are libraries full of great books and financial institutions eager to give you capital to pursue fresh business opportunities. If you get ill, there are skilled doctors and physicians dedicated to restoring your health. In light of this, isn't it perhaps more accurate to say, that the general natural impulse of people is to help and be of service to one another rather than to see others suffer.

Exercise 3

Estimated Time – 30 Women don't want to be approached

It's the script of every romantic movie, the guy approaches the girl and initially she wants nothing to do with him, she positively loathes him. It is only through relentless persuasion and various demonstrations of excellence does the girl finally relent to the guys' amorous advances. Tune into MTV and we see 'empowered' female pop stars preaching 'I don't need a man' and dismissing the attention of various male courtesans as some mock testament to 'girl power'. Look at magazines and you'll see a demeanour  common to all the various photo models, a demeanour and look that screams 'you are beneath me! You need to have a platinum selling album and Bentley before I will even breathe on you'...The message delivered to all of mankind is the same... 'you can look but you cannot touch...' But is this really the case in reality... do women really mean this? Is it even in their interests to mean it?! Let reality be your guide and look at the behaviour of women with a fresh eye. 1. Become aware of some object in your experience. For example, pick up a bottle, feel it in your hands, we can say that this bottle exists; it is a physical fact. Now open your hand and let the bottle drop to the ground, we can know also directly perceive a force or phenomena called gravity which causes the pen to fall to the ground. But is it really a fact that 'women don't want to be approached'? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively! Can you really perceive this belief out there in the world?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'women don't want to be approached' ? Try to get into that headspace. If you no longer  believed this belief would it still be a fact out there in the world? W ould it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your  continued belief in it?

3. Is it really the case that women don't want to be approached by guys at all? Do you have telepathic abilities that allow you to read a woman's mind and somehow determine that they don't want to be approached?

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4. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy with a culture, social order and way of living far different from your own. You see things as if f or the first time. From this perspective would you conclude that the female of the species does not want to be approached? Would you conclude that this little creature who paints her face and wears revealing clothes and accentuates various body parts does not want male attention? What would you really conclude about the behaviour of  the female from your observations of her in her day-to-day life? What would conclude about her fondness for nite-clubs and other social venues? Her interest in fashion and make-up? Her addiction to relationshipbased soaps like 'Sex and the City' and romance novels? Would you conclude these are the actions of a creature that is not interested in male attention?

5. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? Can you find times where you or your friends or someone you knew approached a girl and she seemed to want and respond to male attention? Find as many incidents as you can from your o wn life experience which would disprove the 'reality' that 'women don't want to be approached'.

6. Is it real to you now that 'women don't want to be approached' is not really a fact out there in the world? That instead perhaps all this time, it has just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

7. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about women want to be approached? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of  your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived. •

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If you've ever had the experience of ha ving a member of the opposite sex show a genuine interest in you, you realise that this is a very nice thing. Your ego is massaged a little and it adds a spring to your step. Once you get that first taste of approval by a member of the opposite sex, you want it again and again. The same rule applies f or women; they love male attention. Countless studies by psychologists and sociologists have shown that women's self-esteem is governed to a large extent by her sexual attractiveness. She can only perceive her sexual attractiveness through the admiring eyes of others and for this they need the attentions of men. Women are in fact turned on by their own sexual attractiveness reflected back to them from an admiring man!

If a woman seems a bit 'perturbed' or has that 'rabbit caught in a headlights' look on her f ace when you approach, this does not mean that she does not want to be approached. Rather it is a natural human response when being confronted by a stranger. In a world of billions, the vast majority of people go through their days rarely if ever, making connection with a new person. While we may want to meet new and interesting people, by virtue of our psychological construction, we tend to stick to comfort zones in our social lives. When a person is approached by a stranger, especially by a member of the o pposite sex, it is initially a jarring, unfamiliar  experience; simply because it rarely if ever happens. In such circumstances it may take the person a second or two to get their bearings. You have probably experienced this yourself with street vendors or charity workers who approach you on the street. However this initial impulse passes and you will that once a woman is engaged in conversation, she will more often than not be glad to reciprocate. In fact, she longs for a man who will approach her in such a confident bold fashion.

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Women are starved of romance. Romance novels are the biggest selling genre of books in the world of literature. Shows like 'Grey's Anatomy', 'Desperate Housewives', 'Sex and the City' and 'Ally McBeal' were and are very popular because they speak to this inner yearning in women. Watch any show, which attracts a strong female audience and you will find it ALWAYS consists of romantic based storylines where women are swept off their feet by strong, confident, self  assured alpha males. This is indicative of a gaping yearning in women for romance and the experience of being swept of her feet by a confident man.

When asked of the qualities they are most drawn to in a man, you will find that women will mention more than any other, words and phrases like 'confident', 'manly' 'forthright' and 'knows what he wants' will come up. To put these terms another way, they simply mean that women are incredibly attracted to men who will aggressively and unapologetically act on their sexual and romantic desires. Women like sex but because of the mixed messages they receive from a young age about displaying sexual desire, their role in the mating dance is a passive one. They depend on a man to make the first move... but too often the majority of men are in dereliction of this duty. Woman more often than not experience incredible frustration in their dating lives because so few men actually present themselves to them for consideration. However when a man comes along who is unafraid to demonstrate his sexual interest, a woman finds this incredibly attractive.

Exercise 4

Estimated Time – 30 It's impolite to approach someone I don't know

Most people are so uptight, constricted by their own beliefs systems that they don't allow themselves to naturally and openly express interest in another human being. People are afraid of people!?! You can see this if you walk down any street in any city in the world. Men and women alike, confining themselves into their own little piece of personal space, refusing to speak or even make eye contact with anyone else as they go about their day. In a population of millions, a person will often go from one day to the next, not having met a single new person. In an environment like this, it is easy to be led to the idea that showing interest in a complete stranger is a breach of some unspoken code of good and proper behaviour. But is it really the case? Do women not want you to show an interest? Do they want to go through the rest of their  lives not meeting new people? Or is it possible that they want you to show an interest in them because perhaps they're just too afraid or shy to do likewise? 1. Become aware of some object in your experience. For example, touch the table you're sitting beside, feel the solidity of its surface in your hands, we can say that this table exists; it is a physical fact. Now touch the wall. This too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact out there in the world that 'its impolite to talk to someone I don't know'? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively? What does 'impolite' or even 'polite' look like? Can you perceive it with any of your five senses?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'its impolite to talk to someone I don't know'? If you no longer believed this belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world? W ould it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society, culture and way of life completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you feel it was impolite for  the male of the human species to talk to the female member of the species? Would you even be able to discern with your alien eyes the difference between 'polite' and 'impolite' behaviour?

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4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? Where perhaps you talked to someone you didn't know and that person didn't feel you were being impolite or vice versa where a stranger talked to you and you didn't feel offended? Look back in your own life experience and see what comes up? No event is too big or small for the purpose of this exercise.

5. Is it real to you that 'its impolite to talk to someone I don't know' is not really a fact that exists independently out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you've had in your  head?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about its perfectly fine and acceptable behaviour to talk to a stranger ? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of  your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived.

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 A woman will not be offended if you approach. It may perhaps appear initially that she is but this is just a normal human reaction. Contrary to popular belief she is not used to being approached, save by drunk guys in a nite-club situation. She may be initially shy about meeting a stranger but this does not mean that she will not be incredibly flattered about the attention being shown in her. She will in fact be very impressed with the confidence and boldness of your approach.

While girls crave excitement, their lives generally aren't that exciting. They watch TV programs and read magazines about other people's lives and romantic fortunes but very o ften have little going on in their own lives. By approaching, you bring a little shot of excitement into her otherwise mundane existence.

There are no social or criminal sanctions in showing interest in a woman. You do not live unde r  some oppressive regime where you will be arrested or executed for pursuing a woman. It is your  biological duty to pursue women.

When other guys don't approach girls, it is not out by virtue of some unspoken code of politeness or etiquette; it is purely by virtue of their anxiety issues around women. Most every guy is afraid of  approaching women. By the same token, most every girl is afraid of approaching guys. It is not the dictates of social etiquette that keeps us apart; it is fear. The reality is that man and woman were meant to be and want to be together but we are so screwed up by familial and societal conditioning that what should seem easy becomes the most difficult thing in the world.

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Women aren't stupid. They know that if a guy is approaching them, generally it is because he is attracted to her. They have been fascinated and actively involved in the 'dating game' since they were young kids. While you were out playing with your GI Joes, girls were actively perfecting the minutiae of kissing technique and various methods of seduction and flirtation. They had PHDs in dating and attraction while you were still working at an elementary level. So in light of this can't you see that she will not be perturbed, shocked or otherwise disturbed by your advances? At the very most she may be initially surprised because she is so unused to dealing with men displaying such a degree of confidence but this is a positive thing. She is intimately aware of the rules and steps of the courtship dance. In fact, she is more than happy to play her part in it. W omen love men, are interested in men and want relationships with men. This has been the way of things since even before she was a teenager. It is not the ambition of most women to spend their lives living alone with their cats. They want to be in loving, passionate, exciting, sexual relationships with guys. As a result she will be complicit in her own seduction. She wants you to approach and the thought that you are impolite for doing so will be the last thing that enters her head.

If you were approached by a member of the opposite sex, would you think her impolite? No, more than likely you would be very flattered and excited by the attention. Women are no different in this regard. A classy confident approach by a guy will excite and flatter a woman.

Exercise 5

Estimated Time – 30 I shouldn't approach women during the day

By now you should be getting pretty familiar with the method we're using here and you'll generally be a ble to guess the answers to the questions before even reading them. However the benefit of these exercises comes from the doing of them! By doing what the question asks you will derive a deeper meaning of what is really going on. The questions are a tool but they are only useful if you use the tool. Therefore don't skip through the questions or answer them in a superficial fashion. Give yourself time to go through each question and really answer what is being asked. Belief – I shouldn't approach women during the day Men and women have had their mind so completely warped by parental, societal and religious influences that showing interest in a member of the opposite sex is almost a taboo subject. It can only be expressed under cover of darkness in nite-clubs or other appointed social venues where for a couple of hours at least and with the aid of a lot of alcohol, people can give free rein to the sexual and romantic desires which must otherwise be kept hidden when functioning in polite society. This perverse societal habit that we as a culture have fallen into has meant that the dating game for most people is confined to 3-4 hours on a Friday or Saturday night and for the rest of the week we spend our time in a state of near constant sexual frustration as beautiful women walk into our life and walk straight back out again. Adopting a strategy like this gives you such a narrow window of opportunity of finding the women and relationships that could really enrich your life so it is very much in your interests to see at a gut emotional level that this belief has no foundation in reality. 1. Become aware of some object in your surroundings. For example touch the papers on you're desk, feel their texture in your hands, we can say that these papers exist; they are a physical fact. Now touch the lamp on your nightstand? This too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact out there in the world that 'I  shouldn't approach women during the day' ? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Where does 'should' or 'shouldn't' even exist in the world? Can you perceive 'should'  or 'shouldn't' with any of your five senses?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'I shouldn't approach women during the day' ? As a result of your selective amnesia you went out and started approaching women all day, every day! If you n o longer felt that you 'shouldn't  approach women during the day' , would it still nevertheless be a fact out there in the world? W ould it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

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3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy, from a society, culture and way of life completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you feel that the male of the species should not approach the female of the species during the day? Would you even be able to discern with your alien eyes what behaviour a human 'should' or 'shouldn't' engage in?

4. Can you find incidents from your own life or from things you have perceived where you or someone you know or someone you saw approached a woman in a daytime environment, even though this is something one 'shouldn't' do?

5. Is it real to you that 'I shouldn't approach women during the day' is not really a fact that has some independent existence out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about I can approach women during the day ? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of  your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived.

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The only reason that men and women do not flirt and interact during the day is purely a function of their anxiety and fears around the whole area of approaching members of the opposite sex. It is not because they don't want to. Their inhibition during the day is motivated, not by a lack of  desire for romance, sex or intimacy with a member of the opposite sex but by fear and social inhibition.

 Alcohol is a social lubricant and its function is to lower the inhibitions and quieten the conscious reasoning mind. In a niteclub environment you see a truer reflection of the desires of both members of the opposite sex. In other words, alcohol demonstrates how much men and women crave and desire the attention of the other member of the opposite sex. Alcohol does not create this desire or impulse: it simply allows it to reveal itself from underneath the cloak of social anxiety. Women's desire for male company and romantic attention does not disappear when she sobers up the next morning; her conscious critical reasoning mind simply causes her to repress her natural inbuilt desires until the next weekend.

You say you shouldn't approach women during the day but exactly what are you basing this on? Do the Ten Commandments state that 'thou shalt not approach a girl during the da y'? No? Then what are you basing it on? Is it because most other people don't do it? The fact is most people in general have serious hang-ups and neuroses about socialising with people. They are completely out of touch with the reality of things; namely that its perfectly ok, normal, natural behaviour to show interest in another human being, especially a member of the opposite sex. Observe people on a bus or walking down the street and see how they struggle to even make eye contact. People

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are so warped by their internal belief systems that they are afraid to even make the simple gesture of eye contact with another human being.

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Realistically what can happen if you approach a girl during the day? You won't b e locked up in an asylum, or thrown in jail. The very worst that can realistically happen is that she isn't receptive to your advances and she may then walk away. That's it! You will still go home that night with your  two arms, two legs and your health!

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Talking to a woman during the day is in fact a whole lot easier than talking to her in so-called 'social' venues. First of all there is no loud music, so you can actually hear each other speak. Secondly there is less competition from jealous, interfering or over-protective friends and competing males, so your chances of rejection are a whole lot less. Thirdly there is much less stimuli in a daytime environment than there is in a niteclub environment, so it is much easier to keep a woman's attention. Daytime environment is actually more conducive to men and women meeting each other.

Exercise 6

Estimated Time – 30 Women don't like sex

Related to the belief that 'women don't want to be approached' is the belief that 'women don't like sex' . All marketing and advertising directed at men uses one single underlying principle, sex sells. Every message sent to men in our society is the same - 'want the girl, buy the car' - 'want the girl, wear the deodorant' 'want the girl, climb the corporate ladder' . One of the many implicit messages derived from this massbrainwashing is that women don't just like sex for the sake of it; that their attention sexual or otherwise needs to be bought and p aid for. Matters are not helped by implicit social contracts entered into by girls as soon as they come of age. From childhood, many girls are told to repress their natural inbuilt sexual desires for fear of being brandished 'sluts' and being excluded from their female social groups. Furthermore to openly pursue sexual opportunities with men would be in effect 'giving away the farm', trading your most marketable 'asset' without first having extorted men for all you can get. Girls have been deluded just as much as we have, into thinking that their body is their most valuable resource. They have been made feel that if they act on their heart or on their natural desires, they will essentially 'flood the market' and the value of their body and therefore themselves in this meat market (otherwise called the dating scene) diminishes. Instead of assuming their true role as a partner and companion of man and allowing themselves to explore their sexuality without selling it; women feel the need to set themselves up as 'the pearl of the highest price' to be won by the male of the highest earning power. Nevertheless, this is an artificial construct and as much as women may try to portray otherwise, the basic fact is that they like and enjoy sex just as much as we do. 1. Become aware of some object in your immediate environment. For instance, touch your nose, feel it on your fingers. We can say that your nose exists; it is a physical fact out there in objective reality. Now touch your leg. Your leg too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact that 'women don't like sex' ? Your  mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? You might think it is, but look again, is it really a fact? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively.

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning, you would no longer believe 'women don't like sex' ? Really try to get into that headspace. If you no longer believed this belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of  your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief  in it?

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3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and cu lture completely different to our own. Now imagine you're compiling a dossier on the female of the species to report back to your  home planet. Looking at things from a strictly anthropological point of view do you think you would conclude from your observations that 'women don't like sex' ? Would their actions, their b ehaviour, their  interests, even the clothes they wear be suggestive of a creature that didn't like sex?

4. Can you find incidents in your life, or things you've observed when the belief that 'women don't like sex'  was not a fact? Look back in your past, start at the beginning... find as many incidents you can which disprove this fact?

5. Is it real to you that 'women don't like sex' is not really a fact that exists out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about women do like sex? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of  your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?' Try to find at least 3 ways that the statement has been true in your own life; whether that be through things you've experienced personally or things you've directly perceived. •

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Males typically have exempted themselves from the restrictions of fidelity and have excused their  conduct on the grounds of biological necessity. However, this has not stopped them enforcing the same restrictions of fidelity on women. Throughout history, traditional cultural practices such as enforced modesty and chastity have historically tended to place restrictions principally on women, without imposing similar restrictions on men. Practice at nullifying women's sexuality has even in some cultures gone as far as mutilation of the worst kind with the practice of female genital cutting. Other cultures have gone still further with honor killings for women whose sexual desires were deemed uncontrollable. Nevertheless, many studies have shown that women's actual sexual behaviour throughout history appears, like that of men, not to have been controlled to anywhere near the degree desired by society. In spite of all the dangers, threats and social stigmas women have continued to have sex!

Women's sexual feelings can be every bit as intense as men's. Their desire or drive for sex can be just as powerful and their sexual pleasure can be, as well. A woman's clitoris contains as many nerves as the head of a man's penis, but in a much smaller area, so the sensations she feels there can be very intense. Biological reality in fact indicates that a woman has a much greater capacity than a man for prolonged sex, multiple sexual partners, multiple orgasms, and greater intensity of sexual pleasure. Females have greater sexual needs to enable them to enhance their genetic options for the very significant investment they make in their offspring. More sex means more and different sperm with the best sperm winning the sperm wars. The best sperm has the best chance of enabling the egg and the resources invested in it to p roduce the best offspring.

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Women like sex but risk massive stigma if they openly show this interest. Sexually active teenage girls, and sexually promiscuous women of any age, carry the greatest social burden of   judgements, punishments, restrictions and risks. These women are just doing their job and fulfilling their biological duty while at their peak o f fertility. They are real, while the rest of the equation is artificial. Nature is demanding them to act one way while the artificial constructs of  society compels them to act another way.

When you examine cultures where there is less restrictions placed on female sexuality, you see the female sex drive in all its glory. For instance, among the iKung tribe in the Kalahari desert, sexual activity is taken for granted as a vigorous and essential joy of existence. In fact if a iKung girl doesn't grow up relishing and adoring sex she is considered mentally ill. In these nonpatriarchal societies, premarital love is accepted and encouraged; both men and women have multiple partners and sex is considered a divine gift.

If you look at the interests of women as compared to men, you will find their interests naturally revolve around sex while men enjoy a multitude of other interests. While men watch and play sports, lift weights or collect stamps; women are generally more interested in beautifying their  bodies and maximising their sexual attractiveness. They read magazines that detail make-up tips, sex techniques (10 things to drive him wild in bed !) and delve into celebrities' love lives. They watch TV shows where the central plotlines invariably revolve around a woman's sexual relationship with a man. Their interest also helps make romance novels the biggest selling genre of books in the literary world. Women are utterly fascinated by all things sexual and sensual.

Exercise 7

Estimated Time – 30 Sex is wrong

From the day we are born our sexuality is devalued and made dirty and seedy. Sometimes this can be brutal (for example the threat addressed to the little child caught while masturbating: "if you do it again I will cut it off!"). Sometimes it veils itself behind the terms of "modesty" o r "decency". Sometimes, it can be exerted by simply maintaining the mystery around sexual activity; topics either taboo or restrained to the adults, for example stories of child born in cabbages or brought by storks. Young girls are criticised and at times violently ostracised when at the peak of their fertility, they simply act on theirs bodies' desires while on the other hands girls that deny their bodies biological demands and abstain from sex are celebrated. While we like to think of ourselves as sexually liberated, there is still a long way to go. It is true we no longer hang people for having sex out of wedlock, the feeling however, still pervades that sex is dirty. Sexual education in schools is something that continues to be violently opposed. Television producers are fined and chastised if their programming is deemed to be too sexually explicit for their moral-minded audiences. Adult movies are called dirty movies. Sexual jokes are called dirty jokes. Women acting on their natural sexual desires are still called 'whores'. Sexual repression and frustration is in fact, still widespread into today's society. The evidence is in the survival (meaning that there is still a need) of prostitution and pornography as lucrative industries; thus, revealing a sexual frustration still widely spread and outwardly suppressed. 1. Become conscious of the objects in your surroundings. For instance point to the television in your living room, note its size and shape, we can say that this television exists; it is a physical fact. Now touch the light switch in your room. This too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact that 'sex is wrong' ? Your  mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively? What does 'wrong ' even look like? Can you perceive it with any of  your five senses?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'sex is wrong' ? You had absolutely no qualms or issues about sex. If you no longer  believed this belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your  continued belief in it?

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3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and cu lture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern that this intimate physical act was wrong? What would 'wrong ' even look like?

4. Is it real to you that 'sex is wrong' is not really a fact out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

5. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about sex is normal and healthy? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your  time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if  some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. W ith each statement, pause and ask yourself  'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived. •

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Your parents may have been brought up in sexually repressed households and in a sexually repressed society. They may have taught you that sex was wrong but they were wrong. Nature intended you to have sex. It flooded your bloodstream with a powerful sexual hormone called testosterone. It filled you with enough sperm to populate Western Europe every half hour. Your  sex drive is as much a part of you as the colour of your eyes or the fingers on your hand.

In order for you to be born, your parents needed to have sex. W hat's so wrong with a process that produced you? In a world where too much bad stuff happens, what is so wrong with sex!? For  many it's the only form of tenderness and intimacy they ever get to experience in their  lives.Sexual repression is bad for your health. The body produces a sexual energy, which circulates along the longitudinal axis of the body, from the brain towards the sex organs. The function of the orgasm is to provide release for this energy. However, in cases of sexual repression, obstacles are formed at various levels along this axis, and prevent the effective circulation of this energy. These obstacles appear both on the body level, as muscular rigidities, and on the psychological level, as neurotic character traits. It is believed in eastern cultures that the interruption in the circulation of this energy can ead to cancer.

Not being able to be completely dissipated by the means of a fully satisfactory sexual activity, sexual energy is then dissipated via derivatives such as compulsive masturbation, sexual perversions or sadistic perversions. We find an astounding number of violent sex crimes committed by perpetrators who speak of sexual repression and insecurity when interrogated. It is worth further noting that in countries which have legalized pornography or other forms of sexual gratification, the rate of sex crimes decreased dramatically, even by as much as 50 percent. Your  sex drive was not meant to be repressed and when it is the effects can be devastating.

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In an attempt to avoid being labelled immoral, many people allow themselves to suppress their  natural in-built desires in order to conform to a moral code. At the same time however, this concept of morality is a vague one. According to W ebsters New World Dictionary of the American Language, morality is defined as 'Moral quality of character; rightness or wrongness,as of an action'. Moral on the other hand is defined as '...in accordance with the principles of right or  wrong'. Therefore in order to be moral then all we need to have is a definition of 'right, well according to Websters' 'right' means 'in accordance with justice, law, morality'. This definitional merry-go-round should teach you something; morality is a myth. There are no objective standards out there of what constitutes moral behaviour. Instead all we have is a hodge-podge of malicious rules and varying attempts at social control. You have been gifted with your own moral compass, in-built, namely to pursue that which makes you happy and avoid that which makes you unhappy. Why let that be overridden by 'rules' laid down centuries ago by manipulative people who had no desire to see you happy.

'Freedom comes only from seeing the ignorance of your critics and discovering the emptiness of their  virtue'  -David Seabury  'Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth, but it's usually too battered with rules to be heard. We cripple ourselves with lies. Most people have no idea of what they're missing. Our society places a supreme value on control, on hiding what you feel. It mocks primitive culture and prides itself on the suppression of natural instincts and impulses. - Jim Morrison

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Exercise 8

Estimated Time – 30 Picking up women is difficult

This belief is a common one that is acquired by people who become involved in the seduction 'community' or regularly buy books or other materials on how to pick-up girls. W hen one becomes involved in the 'community', they are generally bombarded with hundreds of tips, tricks and techniques about how to pick up girls. Pretty soon what appeared to be a seemingly simple practice of flirting with a girl becomes a complicated ordeal where body language, vocal inflection and conversational dynamics need to be micromanaged to the nth degree! In the p rocess, the sheer fun and simplicity of 'the game' is lost. But does it really have to be this way; does 'the game' have to be such a complicated, mysterious, ritualistic affair? Lets question and find out. 1. Become aware of some object in your direct experience. For instance pick up a pen, feel it in your  hands, we can say that this pen exists; it is a physical fact out there in objective reality. Now open your  hand and let the pen drop to the ground, we can now also directly perceive a force o r phenomena called gravity. This too then is also a fact in reality. But in the same way, is it really a fact that  'picking up women is difficult' ? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively. Is it really true? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'picking up women is difficult' ? You would go out and app roach girls and try to pick them up without assuming it was d ifficult. If you longer believed that picking u p women was difficult, would it still be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world. You have come from a far-off galaxy with no preconceptions of the world you h ave entered upon. From this perspective would you conclude that there was something inherently complex in a man talking to a woman?

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4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact ' was actually not a fact? Where perhaps you  'picked up a girl ' without having to go through a whole host of complicated steps or routines? Or perhaps you know of a friend or colleague who knows little about seduction techniques and yet regularly succeeds with women?

5. Is it real to you now that 'picking up women is difficult' is not really a fact out there in the world? That instead perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about picking up women can be simple and straightforward ? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of  your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true? To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived. •

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Picking up girls is not difficult. It has been made complex by dating gurus who in order to sustain a steady income continually put out fresh dating products with new and improved 'dating  technologies' . They seek to obscure the sheer simplicity of picking up girls so that they can continue to churn out 'Advanced' or 'Mastery' DVDs and charge for high p riced workshops. Their  motivation is often times the 'bottom line' , not 'helping people' .

 Average guys on the street are dating and sleeping with beautiful women without any real knowledge of seduction or help from a seduction community; simply because they ask for what they want, whether that be a date or a phone number. Too often people in the community simply overlook this simple tactic. By simply asking a girl for a date or a number in a direct and unapologetic manner, you demonstrate more about you as a man than using a thousand tricks, tips and seduction subterfuge could ever accomplish.

Women like and want relationships and sex with men. It is a biological demand there body makes on them. But it is also hardwired into their psychological make-up that they cannot make the first move. Therefore the plight of woman can be even worse than a man. They have to wait passively for a guy to come along and approach them. Often times by simply making yourself available and making the first move, you open up a whole world of possibilities with women for yourself without the need for any extraneous 'seduction' technique.

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Exercise 9

Estimated Time – 30 A beautiful woman would not be interested in me

Because we, as males, attribute such high value to physical attractiveness in our search for a mate, the tendency is to believe that women view things in exactly the same way. Men become convinced that women will only date men that are 'pretty' or 'classically handsome'. When exceptions appear that seem to dispute this general rule of thumb; they are dismissed with banal generalisations and uninvestigated assumptions. When a regular looking or unattractive guy starts dating a beautiful girl, the general tendency is to believe that 'she's only dating him because he's loaded!' or  'she's only after his wallet' . Conclusions like this allow us to stay in our pre-existing comfort zones instead of considering that we too, may also be capable of dating girls like that. But while a strategy like this may provide some measure of psychological comfort in the short term; refusing to consider and even try to go after the girl or girls you truly want can wreak havoc on your happiness and sense of well-being in the long term. The time to dump this erroneous belief is NOW, so you can begin to see just how attainable the women you want really are! 1. Become aware of objects in your field of vision. For example, pick up a fork. Do it right now! Feel it in your hands, we can say that this fork exists; it is a physical fact. Now open your hand and let the pen drop to the ground, we can know also directly perceive a force o r phenomena called gravity. But is it really a fact that 'a beautiful women wouldn't be interested in me'? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Where have you ever seen 'should', 'would', 'shouldn't'  or 'wouldn't' out there in the world as a fact?

2. Can you really ever know what another person is thinking? Do you have telepathic abilities, which allow you to read a woman's mind and somehow determine that she would not be interested in you? Can you actually know for certain? In the way you know that you have five toes on each foot?

3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this new world you have entered upon. From this point of view would you be able to perceive exactly what women are attracted to, in the way you could perceive the trees, the cars o n the street and

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the sun in the sky? W ould you be able to define any objective standard of what man a woman does or  does not want in a mate?

4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? Can you find times where a girl you thought out of your league was actually interested in you? Or where you saw a guy getting with a girl who YOU thought would have been out of his league? Go back and find as many incidents as you can from your own life experience and things you have perceived?

5. Is it real to you now that 'a beautiful woman would not be interested in me' is not really a fact that exists out there in the world? That instead all this time it's just been an idea in your head?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about a beautiful woman could be interested in me ? Can you find evidence in support of this idea from your own life experiences or things you've directly perceived?

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world and with women. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of your own truth is what matters here so look at your own previous life experiences when going through each point. To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this ha s been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived.

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There is a common fallacy of which we are all guilty and which has been the cause of all wars, arguments and disagreements throughout the centuries. It is simply this: we think everybody sees the world the exact same way we do. You are a unique individual, with an array of skills, aptitudes, desires, quirks, interests, beliefs and attitudes which are unlike anybody else on this planet. While acknowledging your  uniqueness, you also need to acknowledge that every one else has their own view of the world, which is peculiar to them only. Just because you believe that women would or would not be attracted to a certain type of person does not actually mean women feel the same way. You are a man and see the world a certain way, through a man's eyes. Your attitudes and outlook on the world are coloured to a large degree by your physiology, your hormones, and your unique family and societal upbringing as a male. You are different from a woman at a genetic, hormonal, physical, intellectual and emotional level.

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You attribute certain unique values and weightings to what you deem sexually attractive in a member of the opposite sex. By the same token, women all have their own different value system when determining attractiveness. Just because you attribute high values to visual stimuli in the form of physical attractiveness, does not mean that a woman will attribute an equally high a value to this. There may be other qualities that a woman feels are just as important in determining attraction. If women really had the same values as men then they would watch pornography and buy the female equivalent of 'Maxim' or 'FHM' but as you can see this is generally not the case.

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If physical handsomeness or status was the only quality that interested women, how can you possibly account for all the regular looking guys who have great success with women? If you look at all the most successful dating gurus in the 'seduction industry', guys like Neil Strauss, Mystery, Tyler, Allen Reyes, Ross Jeffries and David Deangelo; you couldn't really say that any of these guys were classically handsome or were rich or famous (outside their own field).

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Furthermore I bet you know a ton of regular looking guys who work ordinary blue collar jobs and have dated drop dead gorgeous women. Attractiveness is different to physical handsomeness.  Attractiveness in a male is a combination of confidence, sexual confidence, controlled aggressiveness, intelligence, ruggedness and other masculine strength qualities. It is not a requirement that you look like a Hollywood movie star in order to succeed with women. How many Brad Pitts do you see on the street?

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Just because very handsome, rich or otherwise socially desirable guys can't even seem to get with women you consider beautiful does not necessarily mean that you couldn't. You have to remember that even very handsome or high status guys can have self-esteem and anxiety issues around women. No matter how good you look or how rich you are, if you are not approaching women you will not have real success or choice with women. Consider too that perhaps the only reason you have not had mo re success with women you consider very attractive is simply because you have not approached women you consider very attractive.

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Beautiful women in fact, don't receive all that much male attention. In fact beautiful women are amongst the most sexually frustrated girls around. If you consider that probably every guy you know has a fear of approaching women and certainly has an even bigger fear about approaching beautiful women, then by extension of logic, its fairly safe to assume that there aren't that many guys out there approaching those pretty girls. As a result beautiful women have a very small group of guys to pick from. By even approaching a beautiful woman, you do more to qualify yourself to her than all those better looking, richer guys who are too n ervous to approach.

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Lesson 6

Estimated Time – 45 Core Self Esteem Beliefs

Now we really take things up a notch. You are now going to unburden yourself of some of your 'core' self  esteem beliefs. These are the beliefs that go to the very root of ho w you see yourself and your place in this world. These are the beliefs that you have believed for so long they now seem to be absolute indisputable facts. However the only reason these beliefs seem so true is for two reasons… 1. You've believed them for so long (since you were a small child) that by now they just feel true at a deep level! 2. Because you've believed them for this amount of time; all your life experiences have been f iltered through this belief system so that it now seems you have a whole host of evidence backing up the validity of your beliefs. However it is not enough that we know this, you need to come to this realisation yourself and the only way you can do this is by putting these beliefs to the test, to see if they fold under questioning! In order to this, we are going to have to show you a modified version of the previous exercises.  As we said previously, you more than likely have whole host of evidence in support of your core self  esteem beliefs. This is why the previous process that we used on your socially induced beliefs will not be powerful enough to assist us here. Generally we have found from our investigations that socially induced beliefs do not carry nearly the same weight or intensity as your parentally induced beliefs. We believe that this is because they were, more often than not, acquired later in your life (after the age of 6) and therefore do not have as much 'evidence' to back them up. When it comes to tackling the beliefs you've taken on from your parents, we need to bring out the big guns! You didn't come into this world with beliefs such as 'I'm not lovable' , 'There's something wrong with me' or  'Mistakes are bad' . Check that for yourself and you will find it is true. A baby's mind is a blank slate, an empty jug to be filled. A baby doesn't believe anything. These beliefs were therefore acquired and if they were acquired, there must have been a point of acquisition. There must be a point as a child where you went from not believing 'There's something wrong with me' to believing 'There's something wrong with me' . If we can discover this point, it will definitely assist us.  As mentioned in a previous lesson, when we are children, we essentially viewed our parents as if they were Gods. In our formative years, our life, our very survival, was in our parents' hands and we needed to trust completely that they knew what they were doing! If we believed otherwise this would be a cause of  unbearable anxiety! This is the mental fiction we created in order that we could make our world a safe one to live! But the reality is that not all our parents were God-like, not all our parents where supportive and knew what they were doing at least some of the time. They got insecure, angry or a fraid sometimes too. Very often they took their bad days out on us. Sometimes they said nasty things completely ignorant of  the power their opinion had over us. Sometimes they expected us to act like po lite sensible adults, failing to realise that we were just kids! The problem was that we tended to take our parents behaviour personally. If our Dad did not spend much time with us growing up, this could be explained in any number of ways. He could have had a very busy career. He could have been tired after a h ard day's work. He could have had poor parenting skills.  Any of these would have been valid explanations for his behaviour. However as children we generally interpreted the event egocentrically and the explanation we would have come up with to explain our 

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Dad's behaviour would be that 'I'm not important' or 'I'm not lovable' as opposed to 'Dad is busy' or 'Dad is tired' . When you formed your core self esteem beliefs such as 'I'm not lovable' or 'being expressive is wrong'  they made perfect sense but only from a child's point of view . You are not a child an ymore. You can see now that your parents were and are f lawed human beings and that maybe they did some stupid insensitive stuff when you were a kid. They weren't infallible Gods, they were human beings with faults, failings and imperfections like every other human being on this planet. They also had lives of their own. They didn't live purely for us and not everything they did had something to do with us. Now's the time then, to reinterpret your parents behaviour in a new light, to see if the interpretations you came up with as a child in order to explain their behaviour, really make sense today. The exercises that follow are essentially a modified version of the exercises you've previously done in section 1. The only difference is that, at the outset, we ask you to look for the point of acquisition of  each belief. Now the use of the word 'point' is a misnomer as it suggests some singular event. Rather we  just want you to try and find incidents in your early interactions with your mother and father that you feel probably gave rise to the formation of the particular belief. You don't have to find the exact moment; just what you feel could have caused you to start believing the particular belief. Now this could be one single incident. It could be an incident involving your mum or your dad or it could be a number of incidents involving both. Core self esteem beliefs are usually derived from a chain of events over a period of time. Furthermore don't confine your examination to one parent but look at your interactions with both. If you can't find a specific incident or series of incidents then don't worry. It's not important that you pinpoint the specific events that give rise to your belief. With each belief as you will see, we have tried to give an insight into the events or incidents that would have most likely given rise to your belief. It is sufficient if you can recognise that incidents like this may have happened to you in your own childhood. Having found the incident or series of incidents that you feel may have give rise to your belief, we then ask two further questions: 1. If you saw a child in the exact same situation or series of situations today, would you reach the same conclusion? Your self-esteem beliefs are the result of interpretations arrived at by a very young and childish mind which was trying desperately to make sense of the behaviour of the people whom he loved the most. While the conclusions you made may have made sen se at the time, they may no longer  be true now that you have a better ability to discriminate and make sense of things and are better able to see your parents as they truly are. This question then in effect allows you to see the situation through adult eyes by using the analogical situation of witnessing a child today, going through the same situations as you did growing up. From a position of absolute objectivity, you can discern whether the beliefs you formed way back would just as accurately describe the situation you see another child involved in. 2. If you could go back in time and step into the shoes of an outsider who happened to witness the situations you have described would you reach the same conclusions? This question is largely similar in nature and effect as the previous one, except with this one, you actually go back in time and look at yourself through objective eyes. You get to relive the events but this time from the po int of view of  a dispassionate observer as opposed to an emotional, vulnerable, young participant. This viewpoint allows you to perceive better the reality of those situations as they actually were and in doing so allows you to generate other interpretations which may just as accurately describe what really happened. But what if my interactions with my parents did not form my core self-esteem beliefs? You may believe your core self-esteem beliefs were not acquired from your parents but rather came from a sibling who teased you, an overcritical teacher or maybe a school bully. The reality however, is that it only seems that way. Let us explain. You were not raised by your brother; your elementary school teacher or the school bully: you were raised by your parents. They were your first contact with the people of this world and the

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people whose opinion meant the most to you. W hile you may think an incident where you got teased on the playground was the cause of your belief that 'I'm not lovable', the reality is that the seeds of this belief  were sown long before this. If you had been raised in a family were your interactions with your parents were largely positive and supporting and you were made felt loved and wanted then the opinions of the playground bully would have had little or no effect. You had already a mountain of evidence from the 'Gods' (your parents) confirming that you were a lovable and valuable person. However this was often not the case and the incident with the bully was just like throwing fuel on an already pre-existing fire. Therefore, the advice with core self esteem beliefs is to look to your parental interactions, 99 times out a 100, they were the cause.

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Exercise 10

Estimated Time – 30 Being expressive is wrong

The child is continually and spontaneously curious, open, welcoming and happy. He has an insatiable desire to explore, touch, taste, express. Not being cognizant of the value system in his parent's world, the child might play with his crayons by drawing pictures on the wall. He might investigate Daddy's suitcase by opening it and throwing out all the files and notebooks. He might e xamine his wooden blocks by throwing them to see if they bounce or make a noise and in doing so he may inadvertently break a mirror. There is no badness or motive in what the child is doing, just an insatiable desire to explore. He has been delivered into a wondrous new world and to him, what he does is just part of his journey of discovery. Given any of the above examples however, parents upon discovering their property in disarray, may be caught off guard and respond with anger towards the child. The parent may believe the angry response is in the best interests of both him or herself (i.e. its good to vent anger) and the child (i.e. reprimanding is the best way to teach and discipline the child). The parent may feel that he is acting in the child's best interests but the child unaware of the 'proper way' to conduct himself in an adult community; is delivered a powerful message he won't forget. The child is being shown that when he is just being himself, expressing his innate curiosity, he is making others unhappy and violating unspoken rules. Carrying this belief that 'being expressive is wrong' into adult life can result in excessive carefulness. Instead of naturally expressing emotions or interest or just plain 'being yourself' , people with this belief are generally uptight and censor what they say and do when in the company of people.

1. Become aware of your surroundings. For example, touch your toes, right now, actually touch your toes, feel them in your hands, we can say that your nose exists; it is a physical fact out there in objective reality. Point to your foot. We can also say your foot exists. But is it really a fact out there in objective reality that 'being expressive is wrong' ? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively? What does 'wrong ' even look like? Can you perceive it with any of your five senses?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'being expressive is wrong' ? If you weren't even able to think this belief, would it still nevertheless be a fact out there in the world? W ould it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief  in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

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3. When did this first seem like a fact to you? What happened with you and your parents that caused you to first believe that 'being expressive is wrong' ? Go way back to when you were a very young child. Maybe your parents scolded you for being too loud or boisterous. Maybe they didn't like when you were goofing around and acting like a kid. Or perhaps they were always telling you to be quiet or were critical when you expressed yourself? Just look back in your past and see what things spring to mind?

4 If today, you saw a young child in the exact same situation or series of situations with his parents, would you conclude that his being expressive was wrong? What would you conclude? W ould you really conclude anything about this child from seeing these events? What would you conclude about his parent's behaviour? Would you really be able to draw any conclusions about life in general from seeing this incident?

5. Go back in time and put yourself in the shoes of an outsider who happens to walk by and witness the scene or scenes involving you as a young child where you initially started to believe 'being expressive is wrong' . Seen from the outside, would you conclude that you as a young child were somehow a bad person for expressing yourself? Or maybe would you conclude that you were just being a 'kid'? Would you conclude that your parent's behaviour was correct and appropriate or that maybe they overreacted? Would you really be able to conclude anything about you as a child or about life in general f rom this interaction?

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6. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this strange new world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and culture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you conclude that there was something wrong with a little child being expressive? Would you even be able to perceive and separate wrong behaviour from right behaviour? What would 'wrong' and 'right' even look like?

7. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? Can you find times where you or your friends or someone you knew allowed themselves to be fully expressive around others and it wasn't perceived to be a bad thing?

8. Is it real to you that 'being expressive is wrong' is not really a fact out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

9. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about being expressive is ok? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your  time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if  some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. W ith each statement, pause and ask yourself  'could this be true?'. Try to find at least 3 ways that the statement has been true in your own life; whether  that be through things you've experienced personally or things you've directly perceived. •

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There was nothing morally wrong with your being self-expressive. Your parents simply had too high an expectation of you, as a child in expecting you to act as an adult, be quiet, obedient and tidy. They expected you to act in a way that you were developmentally incapable of acting at that time. You were not bad for being expressive as a kid, you acted like a healthy curious child should act. It was your parent's expectations that were wrong.

Your parents were products of their own upbringing and perhaps came from a generation were 'children were seen and not heard' and the doctrine was 'spare the rod and you spoil the child' . While this may have been the way things were done in the past, this does not necessarily mean that it was the correct way. Child psychologists have since poured scorn on this idea and view it as one of the root causes of various behavioural and emotional problems in later life.

Your parents may not have valued self-expressiveness but is this a view held by the rest of  society? In general isn't it the case that people warm to a person who is emotionally open and expressive? They are drawn magnetically to these people simply because they represent a freedom of spirit that is so rarely seen amongst the common man. If you look in the sporting arena for example the characters that really capture the imagination of the public are those that are the most expressive and aren't afraid to show real human e motion. People like Muhammad  Ali, Andre Agassi and John McEnroe are crowd-pleasers because they were expressive and wore their hearts on their sleeve.

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Conversely how does society and nature reward the inhibited person; simply put, it doesn't! In business, love and life in general, those that aren't afraid to stand out f rom the crowd are those that generally advance in life. The wallflower does not get the girl!

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Exercise 11

Estimated Time – 30 Mistakes are bad

Children are by nature curious and inquisitive. The world is brand new to them and they intend to explore every inch of it. However sometimes this curiosity infringes on the more rigid rules of the adult world. While there is no bad intention behind the child's actions; very often he will do something that his parents may perceive as 'wrong' or 'bad' . Invariably this is conveyed to the child via a very f irm scolding or a stern reprimand. The sudden withdrawal of love from the people they depend on most, can be a very traumatic experience for a young child. The lesson is learned quickly and the child avoids anything that might result in that trauma again... fears and reluctance to take any risks become the order of the day. Whilst this strategy may make sense as a vulnerable young child, should it continue to affect our decisions into adult life when we have the physical, emotional and intellectual capabilities to take care of ourselves and stand on our own two feet? 1. Become conscious of the objects in your immediate experience. For instance, touch your chair you're sitting on, feel its texture in your hands, we can say that this chair exists; it is a physical fact. Now touch the floor. This too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact that 'mistakes are bad' ? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively? What does 'bad' look like? Can you perceive it with any of your five senses?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'mistakes are bad' ? If you no longer believed this belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

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3. When did this first seem like a fact to you? What happened with you and your parents that caused you to first believe that 'mistakes are bad' ? Go way back to when you were a very young child. Maybe you broke something or damaged something and your parents just lost it with you? Maybe you wandered somewhere where you shouldn't have and your parents got really mad? Or maybe you were brought up in a very authoritarian household where you are constantly criticised for just acting like a kid! Just look back in your past and see what things spring to mind? Don't confine yourself to experiences with one particular  parent. Look for incidents involving one or both of your parents.

4 Imagine today, you saw a young child in the exact same situation or series of situations with his parents. From seeing this incident would you really conclude anything about this child, from seeing these events? What would you conclude about his parent's behaviour? Would you say it was appropriate in the circumstances or perhaps a little heavy handed? Would you really be able to draw any conclusions about mistakes or about life in general from witnessing this scene?

5. Go back in time and put yourself in the shoes of an outsider who happens to walk by and witness the scene or scenes where you initially started to believe 'mistakes are bad'. Seen from the outside, would you conclude that you as a young child were somehow a bad person for expressing yourself? Or maybe would you conclude that you were just being a 'kid'? Would you conclude that your parent's behaviour  were correct and appropriate or that maybe they overreacted? Would you really conclude anything about you as a child or about life in general from this interaction?

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6. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and culture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern 'mistakes'  from correct actions? What would a 'mistake' even look like? Would it instead be real to you that all the happenings in the world had no real inherent meaning?

7. Can you find incidents from your own life where this fact was actually not a fact? Can you find times where you or your friends or someone you knew made a mistake, maybe even a big one and in hindsight it wasn't that big a deal? Find as many incidents as you can.

8. Is it real to you that 'mistakes are bad' is not really a fact out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

9. If its just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about mistakes are no big deal? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your  time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of  your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived. •

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Your parents had a low tolerance for mistakes, simply because they expected too much of you. They expected you to act like an adult when you were developmentally incapable of doing so. This does not mean that in and of itself your actions as a child were inherently bad. Your actions were learning experiences. As a child you were learning about the world you lived in and this displayed itself in lots of behaviour your parents deemed as 'bad' . This was a natural instinct and impulse. You were acting the way nature intended you to act. Your parents simply did not have the correct training or ability to set proper boundaries for you while at the same time allowing you to grow and learn.

In saying that, isn't it also true that no matter how many mistakes you made growing up, your  parents still loved you. It wasn't like they threw you out on the streets for breaking a plate or  anything?

Mistakes are not bad, they are necessary parts of a learning curve. Your natural way of learning is through negative feedback. You attempt something, it doesn't work; you learn from it and then correct course. Mistakes are the foundation of learning. If you are not making mistakes, then you are not learning and not advancing in any meaningful way. Mistakes are a good thing as they indicate you are moving out of self-imposed ruts and instead learning and growing as a human being.

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If everyone felt mistakes were bad then we would still be living in caves. W e would not attempt to do anything that was not previously attempted. We would not develop our knowledge base for  fear of making mistakes. Thomas Edison failed hundreds of times before he found the correct filament to use for his electric lights. Charles Goodyear likewise failed on countless occasions before finding the correct process for making rubber tires. The same holds true for Alexander  Fleming who discovered penicillin. Our quality of life would be fundamentally different if it wasn't for these men and the many 'mistakes' they made. Their place in history is assured because of  their willingness to make mistakes.

Exercise 12

Estimated Time - 30 I'm not lovable

We come into this world as pure consciousness, pure awareness. We have no sense of who we are and the world we live in. In order to derive some sense of self, of identity we need reflective mirrors. Mirroring is done by our parents or primary caretakers and is crucial in the first years of life. Our identity depended on a significant other whose eyes saw us as we saw ourselves. Since we had not developed our intellect to a sufficient degree in these early years, everything depended on emotional interaction. We needed to feel loved. We needed to know at a deep level that we were loved. But generally, our parents being flawed human beings; did not have the parental training or skill to provide a constant source of emotional mirroring.  After a long hard day, our parents may have been tired and lost their temper with us. In trying to discipline us, they were perhaps overly critical or heavy-handed. They were perhaps busy with their own work and could not give us their undivided attention. Or perhaps they brought us up in a certain fashion because it was the way they were raised and they don't know a ny better. In constructing our fundamental sense of self, the only conclusion we can derive from the various parental rejections and admonitions is that we just simply were not lovable! While the reality most likely was that our parents loved us very much and would have done anything for us; it was not what our parents meant and intended that counts, it is what we, as children perceived that affected our behaviours and actions. However the simple fact, that our parents didn't make us feel lovable growing up, does not mean we were inherently unlovable nor does it mean we should condemn ourselves to living the rest of our life believing this. 1. Become aware of things in your direct experience. For example point to your computer, note its physical dimensions, we can say that your computer exists; it is a fact out there in o bjective reality. Point to your foot. We can also say your foot exists as a fact. But is it really a fact that 'I am not lovable' ? Your  mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively? What does 'lovable' even look like? Smell like? Taste like?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'I'm not lovable' ? As a result of ou would go about your day feeling very loved and lovable. If you weren't able to even think this belief, would it still nevertheless be a fact out there in the world regardless? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

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3. When did this first seem like a fact to you? What happened with you and your parents that caused you to first believe that 'I'm not lovable' ? Go way back to when you were a very young child. It could have been one isolated incident or a series of incidents? Furthermore these events could have involved one or  both of your parents? Just give yourself time, look back and see what arises from your early childhood experiences. Where your parents as affectionate and caring as they could have been? Did they pay attention to you? Did they tend to you when you were upset? Just look back and see what comes up?

4 If today, you saw a young child in the exact same situation or series of situations with his parents; would you conclude that he was inherently unlovable? What would you conclude about his pa rents' behaviour? Would you really conclude anything about this child's lovability from seeing these events?

5. Go back in time and put yourself in the shoes of an outsider who happens to walk by and witness the scene or scenes where you initially started to believe 'I'm not lovable' . Seen through an outsider's eyes, would you conclude that you as a young child were unlovable? Or maybe would you conclude that you were just being a 'kid' ? What conclusions would you reach about your parent's behaviour? W ould you really conclude anything about you as a child or a bout life in general from these interactions?

6. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and

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culture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern the 'lovable'  people from the 'unlovable' people? What would 'lovable' or 'unlovable' even look like?

7. Is it real to you that 'I'm not lovable' is not really an objective fact out there in the world and never was? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily?

8. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about I am lovable? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if  some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. W ith each statement, pause and ask yourself  'could this be true?'. Try to find at least 3 ways that the statement has been true in your own life; whether  that be through things you've experienced personally or things you've directly perceived.

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Your parents loved you but at times they were too wrapped up in their own lives and problems and perhaps from time to time they lashed out at you. However when you look back on your life I bet you can see that your parents lovingly supported you in lots of ways; they fed you, they put clothes on your back, they put you through school. They weren't perfect but then again who is? They loved you the best way they could.

Your parents loved you and at the end of the day would have done anything for you but it's human nature that people find it much easier to criticise and be n egative than to actually show love to another human being. We are a society of emotionally stunted individuals.

Your parents may have been brought up as children in an environment where there was not a lot of love in their home. This exposure may have unconsciously taught them that this is the way kids should be brought up. It wasn't that they didn't love you or that you were unlovable, it was just that they lacked the parental training to raise children properly.

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It's possible however that maybe one or both of your parents were selfish, nasty individuals who should never have been parents. Just because they couldn't find it in their hearts to love you, doesn't mean no one could. It wasn't that you are or were inherently unlovable, it was just that your parents were jerks. Being a kid, in order to preserve your sanity, you had to believe your  parents were right in all that they did. To think that your parents didn't know what they were doing would have caused unbearable anxiety in your young vulnerable psyche. If they treated you badly, it was paradoxically safer to think they were right in doing so.

There is not some objective set of characteristics that make one person lovable and another not. If there was then people with these characteristics would be universally loved by everyone, but who enjoys that sort of universal acclaim!? Lovability is an entirely subjective phenomenon... some people will love you, some will not. That is the nature of things.

Don't discount the fact that right now, there are probably a lot of people who love you. Your  family, friends, secret admirers, whoever... It may be the case that the only reason you haven't experienced more love in your life is simply because up to this point your various negative limiting beliefs have constricted your natural in-built charismatic personality. If people knew the real 'you', the 'you' you are when you are at your most comfortable and uninhibited; they couldn't help but fall in love with you!

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Exercise 13

Estimated Time – 30 I'm not important

 As children we were completely dependent on our parents to fulfil our needs. We needed someone to hold us and touch us. W e need an understanding face to affirm our feelings, needs and drives. We needed a stable structure in which all these needs were met. W e needed predictability. We needed people we could count on. We needed o ur parents' time and attention. We needed food, clothing shelter  and medicine when we were sick. When any of these needs are neglected, children are given the message that their needs are not important and they lose a sense of their own personal value. The implicit message taken on b y kids is that they are not worth their parents' time and at a f undamental level, the child sees himself as not being worthy or important. 1. Become aware of your environment for a second. For example, touch the table in front of you, feel its hard surface, we can say that your table exists; it is a physical fact. Now pick up whatever object may be on this table. We can say that object also e xists as a physical fact. But is 'I'm not important' really a fact? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively? What does 'important' even look like? Can you perceive it with any of your five senses?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'I'm not important' ? As a result of this selective amnesia you would go about your day feeling incredibly important. Try and get into that headspace. If you were no longer able to even think this belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world regardless? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your  continued belief in it?

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3. When did this first seem like a fact to you? What happened with you and your parents that caused you to first believe that 'I'm not important' ? Go way back to when you were a very young child. Did your  parents not make time for you? Where there times when they weren't there for you as you would have liked? Did it seem sometimes that they didn't give a damn? Just give yourself time, look back and see what arises from your early childhood experiences.

4. If today, you saw a young child in the exact same situation or series of situations with his parents, would you conclude that he was not important ? What would you conclude about his parents' behaviour? Would you really be able conclude anything about this child's inherent importance from seeing these events?

5. Go back in time and put yourself in the shoes of an outsider who happens to walk by and witness the scene or scenes where you initially started to believe 'I'm not important' . What conclusions would you reach about your parent's behaviour? Seen through an outsider's eyes, would you conclude that you as a young child were not important? Would you really conclude anything about you as a child or about life in general from these interactions?

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6. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and cu lture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern the important people from the unimportant  people? What would 'important' even look like?

7. Is it real to you that 'I'm not important' is not really a fact? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

8. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about I am important? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if  some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. W ith each statement, pause and ask yourself  'could this be true?'. Try to find at least 3 ways that the statement has been true in your own life; whether  that be through things you've experienced personally or things you've directly perceived.

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Your parents had their own lives. They weren't just 'Mommy' and 'Daddy'. This was not their sole identity and function in life. They were human beings as well, with their own lives, goals, desires, frustrations, stresses and problems. Just because they were not available to you as much as you would have liked, did not mean you were not important to them. They simply had their own lives to lead.

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If you had got sick or died as a young child, I think it would be safe to say that your parents would have been devastated. Deep down you were and a re incredibly important to your parents.

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From an adult perspective, the problems, feelings and opinions of a young kid can seem pretty trivial. When an adult is coping with mortgage repayments, marital difficulties and job dissatisfaction, what Li'l Jimmy said to you on the playground may not have been a ll that important to him or her. However just because what you had to say as a child wasn't all that important, that didn't mean you were not important!

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 Again, importance is not some objective characteristic that people are inherently born with. If a person is important to other people whether emotionally or otherwise it is because they have made themselves so through their actions and words. Take Neil Strauss for example, he was anonymous around women up until his mid thirties, but then through consciously deciding to, he became a very important and significant figure in the lives of a lot of attractive women as well as being an inspiration to millions of frustrated guys.

Right now you are an important person to many people. You are important to your family, your  friends, your co-workers, employers or employees. Your job and the services you render are probably very important to your clients. The taxes you pay contribute to the upkeep and provision of various public services in your country. The money you spend on goods and services helps to keep millions in jobs. If you died today, you would leave a big hole in many people's lives.

Exercise 14

Estimated Time - 30 There is something inherently wrong with me

Once beliefs like 'I'm not important' and 'I'm not lovable' become internalised, we as children are left with a thoroughly distorted view of our real self. Feeling that the very person we are, is patently inferior; we set about constructing a false sense of self. The logic is that if we cannot e ven accept ourselves, who else will. The only hope we have is to create an artificial self. This false self must be more or less human. The false self may be a perfectionist or a slob, the star of the family or the black sheep. As the false self takes hold, the authentic self goes into hibernation. As we grow up, the years of pretence and defence become so ingrained in the very image we hold of ourselves, that the true spontaneous, authentic self that we are disappears until we lose all awareness of who we are. The irony is that the desire to cover up what we perceive as our deeply flawed self is the core motivation of the super-achiever and the underachiever, the grade 'A' student and the addict in the alley. Both are driven to cover up their deep sense of self-rupture... one with the glowing report card, one with the needle. Brought into the sphere of dating and relationships, the effect of this strategy can be devastating. If the basic belief is that we are inherently inferior or defective then it follows that no attractive women could love us just as we are. In order to be lovable therefore, we need to become better, richer, fitter or prettier. We feel if we can achieve all these things, we will have constructed a self that is acceptable to others. We will be then given license or permission to approach the beautiful girl. If you feel you have fallen into this seeming endless cycle, it is in your interests then to question this belief. 1. Again, become aware of objects in your direct experience. Touch your shoe, feel its texture in your  hands, we can say that this shoe exists; it is a physical fact. Now touch your foot. Your foot too is also a physical fact! But is it really a fact that 'there is something inherently wrong with me' ? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? What does 'wrong' even look like? Can you perceive 'wrong' with any of your five senses.

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'there is something inherently wrong with me' ? Really try to get into that headspace. If  you weren't even able to think this belief, would it still be a fact out there in the world regardless? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

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3. When did this first seem like a fact to you? What happened with you and your parents that caused you to first believe that 'There is something inherently wrong with me' ? Go way back to when you were a very young child. It could have been one isolated incident or a series of incidents? Furthermore these events could have involved one or both of your parents? Did your parents criticise you excessively? Did they ignore you or not show you enough love and affection? At times where they not there for you as you would have liked? Just give yourself time, look back and see what arises from your early childhood experiences.

4. If today, you saw a young child in the exact same situation or series of situations with his parents, would you conclude that there was something inherently wrong with him? What would you conclude about his parent's behaviour? Would you really conclude anything about this child's inherent 'wrongness' or  'rightness' from seeing these events?

5. Go back in time and put yourself in the shoes of an outsider who happens to walk by and witness the scene or scenes where you initially started to believe 'There is something inherently wrong with me' . Seen through an outsider's eyes, would you conclude that there was something inherently wrong with you as a young child? From the outside what conclusions would you reach about your parent's behaviour? W ould you really conclude anything about you as a child or about life in general from these interactions?

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6. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and cu lture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern the people who are inherently 'wrong' and those that are inherently 'right' ? Would you be able to make any distinctions along those lines?

7. Is it real to you that 'there is something inherently wrong with me' is not really a fact out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

8. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about there is nothing wrong with me? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of  your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?'. Try to find at least 3 ways that the statement has been true in your own life; whether that be through things you've experienced personally or things you've directly perceived.

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Throughout your life, you have probably known people who have felt there is something inherently RIGHT about you! Deep down you know your parents love you. The same can probably be said of your brothers and sisters. You may a lso have any number of people such as employers, employees, friends and lovers who have held you in very high esteem.

Your parents never thought there was something wrong with you. You were and are probably one of the most important people in their lives. They were just ignorant of the damaging effect their  words and actions would have on your psyche when you were growing up. They were trying to protect you and teach you proper boundaries but as a result of a lack of p arental training they ended up making you feel bad about yourself.

Your parents may have felt there was something inherently wrong with them too. They may have been raised in a critical household and thought that this was the proper way to raise children. If  hypothetically, you had been adopted at a young age and placed in a very o penly loving family where you were supported in all that you did and gently taught proper boundaries, do you feel that you would have believed there was something wrong with you? Chances are you would n ot. This shows then that 'wrong' is not an inherent fact about you but rather simply a suggestion or  an idea you've accepted as a result of your treatment at the hands of your parents.

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In study of college co-eds, fully 90% of those surveyed felt there was something inherently wrong with them whether it be their appearance or personality. If the words 'normal' or 'average' mean anything at all, it simply cannot be that 9 out of every 10 people in our population is somehow 'abnormal, defective' or 'different' . If you take this idea to its logical conclusion then the 1 0% whom consider themselves normal are in fact the abnormal ones. There is nothing inherently inferior or superior about you. You are just you, a separate and distinct individual. To judge yourself against some par or objective standard is silly for the simple reason that there is no objective standard out there. Everyone is an individual with their own distinct blend of skills, interests and aptitudes.

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Exercise 15

Estimated Time – 30 It's important people think well of me

 As has been said throughout this course, the most traumatic thing that can happen to a child is to have his parents withdraw their love from him. When our very existence is dependent on our parents loving us, we will very soon adopt survival strategies to ensure that our parents never withdraw their love again. So at an early age, we learn to want what they want for us and become good little approval seekers. Unfortunately, this strategy can become a problem when we get older and start generalizing this approval-seeking behaviour with our teachers, our powerful appearing peers, and with women. Somewhere along the line we lose (or never develop) our ability to decide for ourselves what we want and to go for it. And the habit is set, often for life. 1. Become aware of objects in your field of vision. Touch the lamp on your table, feel it on your fingertips, we can say that the lamp exists; it is a physical fact. Point to your foot. We can also say your foot exists as an actual fact. But is it really a fact that 'it's important people think well of me' ? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality? Step outside your own thinking and try to look at things objectively. What does 'important' even look like? Can you perceive this belief with any of your five senses?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer believe 'it's important people think well of me' and went through your day not worrying what people thought? If you longer believed this belief, would it nevertheless still be a fact out there in the world? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

3. When did this first seem like a fact to you? What happened with you and your parents that caused you to first believe that 'It's important people think well of me' ? Go way back to when you were a very young child. It could have been one isolated incident or a series of incidents? Furthermore these events could have involved one or both of your parents? Did it seem your parents only valued and appreciated you when you were doing what they wanted? Just give yourself time, look back and see what arises from your  early childhood experiences.

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4. If today, you saw a young child in the exact same situation or series of situations with his parents, would you conclude that it was important people think well of him? What would you conclude? W ould you really conclude anything about what was important for this child or about life in general from seeing this event?

5. Go back in time and put yourself in the shoes of an outsider who happens to walk by and witness the scene or scenes where you initially started to believe 'it's important people think well of me' . Seen through an outsider's eyes, would you conclude that it was important for this young child that people think well of  him? What conclusions would you reach about your parent's behaviour? W ould you really conclude anything about you as a child or a bout life in general from these interactions?

6. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy, from a society and culture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern whether it was 'important' that you or anyone else be thought well of by others? Again would you be able to discern what events or activities were 'important' and what were 'unimportant' ?

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7. Can you find incidents in your life, or things you've observed when the belief that 'it's important people think well of me' was not a fact? Look back in your past, start at the beginning, find as many incidents as you can where a person or p eople didn't think well of you and you managed to get over it and move on with your life.

8. Is it real to you that 'it's important people think well of me' is not really a fact out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

9. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about people's opinions about me have little or no impact on my life and happiness ? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 o r 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening out there in the world. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of  your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true?' •

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The approval seeking strategy made sense when you were a child. You were completely dependent on your parents for food, shelter and all your emotional needs. It therefore paid to keep on their good side. However, you are an adult now and your survival is not dependent on keeping on anyone's good side. You can fend for yourself and stand on your own two feet. Even if  no one thought well of you, you would still be ab le to cope and survive.

Chances are throughout your life, you've had people who haven't thought well of you for whatever  reason. Looking back has this really had a tremendous impact on your life or your health? As you consider your life right now, have these people's opinions really had that big an effect on your  life? Here you are still breathing, still living your life so how big was the impact of their opinions really?

Having people like you is no guarantee of happiness. Pop-stars, movie stars and sporting heroes benefit from widespread adulation and are loved and revered throughout the world. However  often times these people are unhappier than the average guy on the street. They spend their lives seeking adulation and acceptance and once they get it they find that it does not bring them the happiness they seek. This leads many to fall into the depths of despair. You may have found this also to a lesser degree. Perhaps you've had the adulation or affection of another person maybe even a pretty girl and found that it did not really add to your happiness in any meaningful or long term way. It simply gave your ego a temporary boost but this did not give any lasting happiness or  contentment.

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You come into this world alone and no matter who you are, no matter what you accomplish in your lifetime, no matter how many friends you have and no matter how close you may be to one or more persons, the reality is that when you go down for the final count, you'll be in that wooden box all by yourself. 'Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the o nly one you will never leave nor lose. To the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life you are the only  solution.'  -Jo Coudert.

Think for a second about your mental life and where your thoughts roam throughout the day. If  you look honestly you will find that much of your time is spent thinking about your desires, your desires, frustrations, problems and what others think about you. you. The point is most of your time is spent thinking about YOU about YOU!! It may shatter some illusions about what a selfless thoughtful individual you are but the simple fact is that YOU that  YOU are obsessed by YOU by YOU.. No one else holds near as much fascination for you than you do. This principle holds true for every other member of the human race as well! So seen in this light doesn't it seem pointless worrying about what others think about you... because the fact is more often than not, they are not thinking about you because they are too busy thinking about themselves!

Exercise 16

Estimated Time – 30 Conditioning 1 – Fear of Talking to Strangers

In much the same way that you automatically respond to the ring of the telephone, we all become conditioned to respond to various stimuli in our environment. The process itself is called Operant  Conditioning . Under normal conditions; it is this process, which allows us to learn how to read, write, drive a car or learn to play a musical instrument. Practicing Practicing or repeating the action allows the action to pass into the realm of the subconscious where the action can be repeated without the need or interjection of the slower conscious reasoning processes. The action itself becomes unconscious. You have had the experience of this when you are learning to drive a car. Initially you have to expend enormous mental effort in trying to change the gears, keep the car steady on the road and being aware of  oncoming traffic. After a while though the process becomes completely unconscious and you can drive with virtually no mental effort at all. This is a necessary process in that it frees up the conscious will to learn new skills. Just think about it, how awful would life be if you had to today, go through the same conscious thinking processes that you used when first learning the skills of walking, speaking, writing or  driving a car. Life would be intolerable. While this process is intended to be of use in a positive and constructive sense; to assist our functioning in the world; too often we use it to condition irrational fears and phobias. Many people for instance are thought to fear strangers because of parental admonitions to have nothing to do with strange people- 'do not accept candy from a stranger' 'do not get into a car with a stranger' . This response of avoiding strangers serves a good purpose when one is a small innocent child but many continue to be fearful and ill at ease in the presence of any stranger even when they know he comes as friend instead of foe. Out of habit we continue to act in the accustomed way long after the fear continues to serve any positive purpose. We come across fear very early in our development. It is our survival alarm bell and our physical protector. Fear tells us that our life is in danger . It is that instinctual 'fight or flight' we feel in the pit of our  bellies when facing danger or a perceived threat to our existence. Basically when a perceived threat to our safety is observed, our body will respond by releasing adrenalin into our systems, sending blood to the legs to prepare for flight and all the other physiological effects that come under the umbrella of the fear response. We do not need to become familiar with the response or learn coping strategies to 'feel the fear and do it  anyway' . Instead we need to look at step 1 of the fear process, namely the stimulus. Before the body responds with fear, it must first perceive a threat to its safety. safety . Now at an intellectually superficial level you realise that there is nothing to fear from approaching women, being rejected by a woman, being criticised by a woman. However intellectual knowledge is not enough, you need experiential, emotional knowledge for change in behaviour to really be effected. The following process is designed to do just that. What follows is an amended version of the previous process used in this course. It is designed to break the chain of stimulus-response that is causing your fear by addressing the stimulus part of the process and by re-educating you at a gut emotional level into knowing there is nothing to fear from approaching women.

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1. Pick up a pen and then release your grip of it. You can see that the obvious consequences of this action will be that the pen will drop. This is fact. However can you say with certainty that if you talk to a woman you don't know that it will be putting your life in danger? Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in actual reality?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer feel any fear of talking to strangers. You just went out and started talking with every stranger  you met. If you longer felt this way, would it still nevertheless still be a fact out there in the world that your safety would be in danger from talking to a strange woman? W ould the danger continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your  continued belief in it?

3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world you have entered upon. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and culture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern any danger  to the male of the species from talking to a f emale he didn't know?

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4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? Can you find times where you or someone you've known has talked to a stranger and it turned out you or he weren't in any physical danger? Find as many incidents as you can and replay them in your memory.

5. Is it real to you now that 'if I talk to a stranger, my life is in danger' is not really a fact out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about there is nothing to fear from talking strangers ? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if  some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. W ith each statement, pause and ask yourself  'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived.

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Fearing strangers was a valid survival strategy when you were a small child who was emotionally, physically and intellectually frail and vulnerable to the threat of outside forces. However that is not the case now, you are a fully-grown, physically, emotionally and intellectually mature adult. Why should you fear talking to a woman who in reality is physically more vulnerable than you and may indeed be more emotionally and intellectually vulnerable as well.

We live in a civilised society. Generally only a very small percentage of people engage in antisocial activities such as violence or theft. Realistically what are the chances an attractive wellgroomed woman being interested in physically harming you for walking up and talking to her? Next to no chance, you would believe.

Just because other guys are reluctant or afraid to talk to people they don't know, does not necessarily mean there is any danger attached to it. Remember these people are just as susceptible to limiting beliefs, conditioned emotional responses and phobias as you are. If you are a human being, it is invariable that you will display some form of inhibition or phobia that is completely irrational. Get on an elevator, a bus or some other form of public transport, or walk down a crowded street. Observe how everybody is reluctant to talk to or even make eye contact with the people surrounding them. The fact is people are afraid of people. You are afraid of  strangers when the reality is that all those strangers are afraid of you as well.

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Remember girls, even beautiful girls are just as susceptible to these types of conditionings as well. Her physical beauty is no guarantee she will be free of the mental garbage we pick up as young vulnerable children. It may well be the reality that she will be just as nervous about talking to you as you are of talking to her.

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Exercise 17

Estimated Time – 30 Conditioning 2 – Fear of Rejection

For many people, rejection is a fate worse than death. We have been rejecting ourselves for the totality of  our lives and for someone on the outside to do likewise confirms what we fear the most; that we are unwanted and unlovable. If you have done the p revious exercises you will know that this conclusion simply does not accord with reality. However even after having eliminated these notions; the fear response to perceived 'rejection' can still remain. The fear itself goes back again to early experiences with your parents or primary caregivers. We come across fear very early in our development. It is our survival alarm bell and our physical protector. It is that instinctual 'fight or flight' we feel in the pit of our bellies when facing danger or a perceived threat to our existence. To a child nothing is more traumatic and fear inducing than the sense of abandonment or withdrawal of  their parent's love. In our early lives we are completely dependent on our parents love a nd acceptance for  our survival. Our needs can only be met through our parents. The only way we can ensure that our  parents continue to take care of us is by ensuring that they still love us. Therefore the times when our  parents withdraw their love from us represent the times of the utmost trauma. Our very survival is at stake. If as children we continually experiences instances of this withdrawal of love, this blanket of fear  and uncertainty continues into our adult lives. In certain situations, we won't be able to respond to what is really going on. We will be emotionally hijacked by an old brain that stays in the past, playing out the same old recordings. But do you need to continue to fear rejection. Whilst in the past, this response may or may not have been appropriate, is it now? If you're parents disowned you know, decided they wanted nothing more to do with you... would you be able to survive? Whilst the event would be very upsetting, in reality you would be able to survive without your parents. Well then the question should then be if you could survive the rejection of  those closest to you, why should you fear the rejection of a complete stranger? 1. Pick up a pen and then release your grip of it. You can see that the obvious consequences of this action will be that the pen will drop. This is fact. However can you say with certainty that if you are rejected by a girl that it will be a fact that your life will be in danger, as a result. Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer feel any fear of being rejected. You were able to go out and completely laughed off all forms of  rejection. If you longer felt this way about rejection, would it still nevertheless be a fact out there in the world that your safety would be in danger from being rejected by a woman? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your  continued belief in it?

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3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and cu lture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern any danger to the male of the species in being rejected by a woman?

4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? Can you find times where you have been rejected or have seen another rejected by a girl and he wasn't in any physical danger?

5. Is it real to you that 'if I'm rejected my life is in danger' is not really a fact that has independent existence out there in the world? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about there is nothing to fear from being rejected by a woman ? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggests an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of your o wn truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time be ing set aside your preset ways of  thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. With each statement, pause and ask yourself 'could this be true'? To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived.

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Fearing rejection made sense when you were a vulnerable child, dependent on others for  survival. You are an adult now and capable of standing on your own two feet and fending for  yourself. You can survive rejection. If your parents disowned you now and said they wanted nothing more to do with you, sure, it would be a crummy thing to happen but you'd still cope, wouldn't you? So why fear rejection from a complete stranger when you realise you could handle rejection from the most important people in your life.

 As had been said previously in this course, you have probably been rejected countless times in your life both on a large and small scale. While it wasn't the most pleasant thing that has ever  happened to you, in the long term, nothing bad ever really happened to you as a result of it. Experiences like this may have even made you a better person.

Think about what actually happens when a girl rejects you. She may tell you she is not interested and walk away. What happens then? The moment has ended. It has now passed into the realm of ancient history. You may feel embarrassed. But then what? You go home that night, fall asleep. You still have your two arms, two legs and your health. When you wake up next morning, you will go about your day as normal. In a week or a month's time, you will barely even remember  the rejection. Rejections from girls have little or no impact on your day-to-day life.

Exercise 18 Estimated Time – 30 Conditioning 3 – Fear of Being Center of Attention While as a child we need and d eeply crave the love and attention of our parents, often times this attention when turned upon us can become a poisoned chalice. Children very often do not receive their parents' full, undivided attention. This is especially the case when the child is doing what the parents want. Parents will rarely reinforce p ositive behaviour; just punish bad behaviour! Generally children only get their parents attention when they do something the parent perceives as bad. What normally ensues in those circumstances is that the child receives a severe verbal scolding or perhaps the 'silent treatment' (and accompanying crippling withdrawal of love). The parental attention may even go so far as physical abuse. The child exposed to this attention often enough begins to develop a severe fear to having the spotlight on him. Having parental eyes focused upon him invariably carries with it the penalty of emotional or  physical pain and to a vulnerable mind, the threat of death. It becomes easier to avoid situations where attention will be focused on you, to withdraw, to fade into the background. While this strategy may have been necessary when you were a small vulnerable child unable to defend yourself against your bigger  stronger keepers; the reality is you are a fully-grown adult both physically and intellectually and well able to take care of yourself. What sense is there in continuing to be afraid of having the attention focused on you when there no longer exists any physical threat! Life does not give its richest rewards to the wallflowers or to those who sit in the stands. To succeed in life, to succeed with women you must become comfortable with being the centre of attention 1. Pick up a pen and then release your grip of it. You can see that the obvious consequences of this action will be that the pen will drop. This is fact. However can you say with certainty that if you are the centre of attention that it will be fact that your life is in danger.

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer feel any fear of being the centre of attention. If you longer felt this way, would it nevertheless still be a fact out there in the world that your safety would be in danger from being the centre of a ttention? Would it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your  belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your continued belief in it?

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3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and cu lture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern any danger to the male of the species from having the attention of others in a social, civilised venue?

4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? When you had the attention of others focused on you, be it in the classroom, at a job interview, at a bar or club or when giving a presentation? Can you recall that your safety was never really in any danger?

5. Is it real to you that ' if I'm the centre of attention my life is in danger' is not really a fact? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea in your head?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about there is nothing to fear from being the centre of attention ? Can you find evidence from your own life experience or things you've observed in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life experience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if  some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. W ith each statement, pause and ask yourself  'could this be true?'. •

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Fearing being the centre of attention made sense when you were under the dominion of parents who often times were critical or even violent when you did something they didn't approve of. However as has been said on countless occasions, you are a fully-grown adult now and are capable of handling the consequences of your actions.

We live in a civilised society. Freedom of expression is an inalienable right. You will not be executed or otherwise reprimanded for stealing the limelight and having your voice heard by others!

Bill Clinton had the world watching his every move during the 'Monica Lewinsky' affair. The spotlight was on him and was casting him in the most negative light possible. What happened? People moved on and got on with their lives. Bill was then left to rebuild his life and to his credit he has. In spite of his 'misdemeanours' he continues to be a popular figure in American culture, a successful author and international diplomat. He was exposed to the worst kind of exposure and attention imaginable and he lived to tell the tale. Seen in the light of Bill Clinton, what fears should you have about having others eyes focused on you?

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Just because other people are reluctant or afraid to be the centre of attention, does not necessarily mean there is anything inherently dangerous in being so. As has been said previously, they are simply suffering from their o wn neuroses, shyness and irrational phobias.

People are self-obsessed and are constantly worried about what others think of them. Consequently why worry about having others people's attention on you? Since the simple fact of  the matter is that they're probably more worried about what you think of them!

Exercise 19

Estimated Time – 30 Conditioning 4 – Fear of Failure

Much of what you learned growing up was what not to do and what to avoid or abstain from doing. The majority of the behavioural rules as a child were based on the avoidance and prevention of engaging in activities that may have been harmful to you or the people around you. 'Don't play in the street. Don't talk  to strangers, Don't be late' . In a particular psychological study, three and four year old children where equipped with tape recorders that recorded everything they were told. After analysing the tapes, researchers found that fully 85 per cent of the time kids were either being told what they could not do or  being scolded or being told how bad they were f or doing something they were doing. While the parents understandably used this mode of parenting as a way to protect their children from potentially harmful consequences; invariably, what was learned by the child is that he should necessarily avoid trying anything new. This strategy of avoiding new experiences is taught and reinforced until it becomes an automatic lifetime habit and lives long after you learn how to cross the street. Your desire for increased success with women will naturally involve you altering your current behaviours and lifestyle to a certain degree by trying new things. Fear of failure is the greatest single magnetic force that keeps you in pre-existing comfort zones. In order for you to truly break free of old habits of thought and action, this conditioned fear response must be eliminated.

1. Pick up a pen and then release your grip of it. You can see that the obvious consequences of this action will be that the pen will drop. This is fact. However can you say with certainty that if you ' fail' with a girl that it will be a fact that your life will be in danger, as a result. Your mind might tell you that it is but is this really the case out there in reality?

2. Imagine for a second, you could wave a magic wand and when you woke up in the morning you would no longer feel any fear of failure. You would go out and try new things without fear of them not working. If you longer felt this way, would it still nevertheless be a fact out there in the world that your safety would be in danger if you failed whatever objectives you set yourself? W ould it continue to exist as a fact irrespective of your belief in it? Or like Santa Claus, would its continued existence be dependent on your  continued belief in it?

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3. Imagine you're an extra-terrestrial who has crash-landed on planet earth. You have no pre-conceived ideas of this world. You have come from a far-off galaxy from a society and cu lture completely different to our own. From this point of view, would you be able to discern any danger to the male of the species from him failing with a woman? What would 'failure' even look like?

4. Can you find incidents from your own life where this 'fact' was actually not a fact? Can you find times where you or someone you know failed at something and a s it turned out your life or well-being was never  really under threat as a result?

5. Is it real to you that 'if I fail my life is in danger' is not really a fact? That perhaps all this time it's just been an idea you have arbitrarily accepted?

6. If it's just an idea, are there any better ideas out there that could better reflect Reality as it actually is? How about there is nothing to fear from failing ? Can you find evidence in support of this idea? Try to find 3 or 4 ideas, situations or events from your own life e xperience that would seem to validate this idea. Take your time.

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The following points suggest an alternative idea about what is REALLY happening. You are not expected to take this at face value. Rather you are encouraged to reflect on the information that follows and see if  some or all of it resonates as being true or at least possibly true? Your discovery of your own truth is what matters but this will be aided if you can for the time being set aside your preset ways of thinking and viewing the world and try to look at things with a fresh eye. W ith each statement, pause and ask yourself  'could this be true?' To help with this, after each statement, try to find at least 3 ways this has been shown to be true in your life whether through your own experiences or through things you have perceived.

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What dramatic consequences will attach should you fail in your objectives with a woman, be that getting her number, getting a date or getting physical! You are not performing brain surgery; your  life, her life or no one else's life is in danger. The worst that can happen is literally that you end back up where you started before you decided to approach. In a week, month or at worst a year  you will have completely forgotten about the incident.

 An event or occasion can only be labelled a failure if you quit as a result of it. If you instead use failure as a learning experience the event can prove a cathartic experience and can reveal to you important life lessons or seeds of opportunities that you may not have considered had you succeeded.

You have failed at many things, many times in the past. You ha ve on occasion failed in exams, failed in job interviews, failed to meet your parents or other loved ones expectations, failed in competitive sports. Yet here you are, still living and breathing so how horrific can failure actually be!

Failure may have had consequences when you were a small child. Consequences that you may not have had the physical or emotional capabilities to handle at that time. But you a re a fullygrown man now. You possess sufficient physical, mental and emotional strength to handle the consequences of your actions failing.

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Lesson 7

Estimated Time – 15 Trust Thyself 

The Latin word 'educare' which forms the root of the word 'education', literally means 'to draw from within' . In ancient times it was acknowledged that all of us had immense creative power within us and that it was the educator's job to draw out this potential within each student. Students reached their own insights and expressed them in their own words. The famed Greek philosopher Socrates was the most famous proponent of this method of education and it came to be known as the 'Socratic Method'. Socratic method allowed Classical Athens- a city-state of  fewer than 100,000 people- to achieve feats of art and learning that still inspire awe almost 2,500 years later. It further remained the basis of Western pedagogy until 150 years ago. Then the huge numbers of  pupils flooding into schools in America and Western Europe led teachers to abandon the Socratic method. Faced with classes of 40 to 60 restless children, teachers no longer had the luxury to draw out each and every students subtle perceptions and insights. At that point education stopped and teaching began. The substitution of teaching for education has brought with it a number of difficulties that have more than likely, had a profound negative impact on your life.  All these difficulties stem from the one basic misconception that forms the root of traditional teaching. Teaching works on the assumption that the student is an idiot. Based on the assumption the mind is an empty jug that develops as it is filled with facts; conceptual learning or teaching is concerned primarily with the accumulation and ordering of concepts and theoretical information. A lifetime of teaching has trained you to be a functional idiot. You have more than likely become convinced that you cannot learn any new skill (such as interacting with women) left to your own devices and require the aid of gurus, experts, tips, tricks and techniques in order to get the job done. The process in effect, disregards entirely the natural intelligence at your disposal. The sad (and joyous) fact is however, that by yourself , you have managed to learn a great many skills and aptitudes in your  life, without the need for fact-building lessons or deference to experts or teachers. You mastered the complex art of walking while still in diapers. You acquired a vocabulary of up to 2,500 words, before you even entered the school system. Throughout your life in fact, you have probably learned all manner of complex skills without any outside help whatsoever. You may have acquired the ability to type 50 words a minute, play a musical instrument, fix a car or honed the reflexes of a fighter jet pilot (as a result of hours spent on your Sony Playstation) purely as a result of your own endeavour. You were not taught these things, rather your brain and nervous system simply found a way to assimilate these skills in response to the demands you placed on it. In fact the rate at which you learned and assimilated new skills and abilities before you entered the school system is proportionately far greater than rate at which you acquired skills and abilities during your  time in formal 'education'.

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Exercise – Once difficult, now easy Take some time now and list 10 skills or aptitudes you have mastered without any extraneous help: things that were once difficult but are now easy as a result of you acting on your own initiative. It could be a small thing such as learning to tie your shoe-laces or something large like learning how to hit a smooth topspin backhand in tennis, drive a stick-shift or reciting the lyrics to every single Bruce Springsteen song ever written. Whatever you come up with write it down…..

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

This little thinking exercise will hopefully reveal that contrary to the education systems view, you actually aren't an idiot and are in fact, very capable of learning new skills on your own. However, because your natural ability to learn the skills and aptitudes required to succeed in life is essentially disregarded and undermined from a very young age, your sense of self-reliance has gradually been eroded. The vacuum left by the disappearance of your self-reliance has been filled by the great killer of human ambition- self doubt. Instead of preparing you in all the best ways possible to go out and make your mark on the world and aggressively pursue that which will make you happy; a lifetime of 'teaching' has left you instead, the victim of circumstance and outside forces, dependent on others to 'instruct ' you in the way to happiness, to riches and even to success with women. Rather than being shown how to harness the creative power  within us, we leave the formal 'education' system indoctrinated into the assumption that we are inherently powerless in the face of the big bad world out there. Long after you leave the classroom, you continue to look for people to take care of you, to teach you all the life lessons you need to learn, to tell you everything is okay and take you by the hand along the path to a better life. So impotent do we feel living our own life that whenever we confront any obstacle, our  immediate response is to look for outside help. When we are depressed we consult psychologists or  physicians. When we are suffering from an existential crisis we join a Church or read Eckhart Tolle. When our life is going nowhere, we call for Tony Robbins and when we can't get a date we run to a David DeAngelo or RSD seminar. Such is the depth of many people's sense of powerlessness that they even feel they are at the mercy of  their own mind. Even their own internal states become an external force that has dominion over them. How many times for instance have you found yourself saying 'my fear got in my way of my approaching that girl' or 'I just can't control my anger' or 'my mind gets in the way when I try to be spontaneous'.

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The sobering fact is however, that in order for you to manifest the things, situations and relationships you want into your life, you must reposition yourself as the dominant creative force of your own life. Tony Robbins or David DeAngelo cannot create the life for you that you crave. They are not all powerful Gods, they are people just like you. They have their own problems and challenges. They have businesses to run and relationships to maintain. They will get old, get sick and die just like you. Only one person has the time, inclination and ability to live your life and that's you. Therefore you must stop relinquishing all your  power to experts, gurus, saints and saviours and start to take back control of your own life. In order to do this however you must stop depending on outward resources and instead look to the internal resources you have at your disposal. You need to learn and actively trust that you can depend on you to do what needs to be done in order to attract the quality of women you want in your life! This will be something we cover that in the course of the next f ew lessons but as always take some time to read over this lesson again and jot down what you consider to be the most meaningful points to you.

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Lesson 8

Estimated Time – 20 Pick Up Lines, Tactics & Techniques

 A by-product of how we have been educated is our incessant need to have a formula or process about how things work. The marketplace fills that need. Everywhere you look there are experts willing to give you the 'secret success formula' to lose weight, build muscle, make a million dollars, gain enlightenment, set and achieve goals and enhance your sexual prowess. This state of affairs is never more true than when men look to improve their fortunes around women. It seems everywhere you turn, a dating expert is willing to teach you his method or 'technology ' for phone game or day game or how to become an alpha male or how to have multiple sexual partners. The idea is very appealing (and thus very commercially lucrative) because it leads the student to think that once he has mastered the steps of the formula or process then success will be assured. Formulas seem to fill a need in our mind for linearity, order and completeness. However this sense of security that comes with these prescribed formulas is in fact only an illusion and ultimately, instead of helping, these systems end up leading the student into more self-doubt and insecurity. They 'accomplish' this in a number of ways.

The Do-Instruction First there is the inherent difficulty in the way these dating systems are taught by the experts that sell them. The primary tool the guru uses in teaching these seduction methods is what can be termed the 'doinstruction' (as in 'do this' or 'don't do that' ). The doinstruction is an order from the mind of one person (the guru) to the body of another person, who is supposed to comply with the command by translating the instruction into the appropriate physical behaviour such as 'be cocky and funny', 'be cool' or 'approach like an alpha male' . These 'do-instructions' however are only a recipe for increased confusion. How you may ask, do these do-instructions lead to confusion? How do you tie your shoe? How do you drive your car? How do you write your name? Think about any one of these actions and see if you can write a set of step-by-step instructions on how to perform it. Then try to do the actions by following your  own instructions. You will find that it's not very easy to accomplish if you describe the action in any detail. Yet this is what most dating experts expect us to do. They take the actions that work for them and then set about verbalising them and putting them down on paper. However in this translation process between the mind of the guru to the message in the book or CD he is selling, the simplicity and essence of this particular action is lost in a sea of complex theories, methods, verbiage and needless detail. The primary difficulty lies in our ability to translate anything but the simplest verbal command into bodily action. When asked to do more, we invite self-doubt because we try and consciously think out every right action we should be doing. Have you ever 'tried' to relax or be cool in the company a beautiful woman? What happened? Just the opposite right! This is because you were consciously trying to be relaxed as opposed to just being relaxed. In the latter state, your mind is relatively at peace, you are, after all,  ' just being'. In the former state however, you are in a state of 'trying ' and your conscious mind is actively engaged in a process of trying to do the impossible by forcing your body to relax.  All this mental activity in fact clogs your system of learning and ability to function simply because conscious rational thought has no part to play in the sphere of action. That part of the brain that conceptualises and instructs us verbally is incapable of moving a muscle and has only a limited capacity to communicate to the parts of the brain that does control our ph ysical behaviour. For instance as an experiment try to 'think' your finger into moving. Give your finger a verbal command to move. Does it? Nope! So how do you expect to consciously translate all these tactics, tips and techniques into meaningful physical action…it is a physiological impossibility.

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 At best, conscious thought only serves as interference or mental white noise that creates internal tension and reduces your ability to respond appropriately in the moment. Your conscious faculties have no power in and of themselves to directly stop the physiological responses in your body that take place when you are anxious or shy around beautiful women. This is the realm of  the imagination (but more on that in another lesson).

EXPERIMENT- WILL V. IMAGINATION Clasp your hands together as tight as possible until there is a slight tremble in your finger. Now try and command yourself to unclasp your hands while at the same time holding in your mind the image that your hands are glued together with super glue.

If you are holding the image in your mind properly, not only will you be unable to separate your  fingers, but your fingers will more than likely clasp all the more tightly. It seems that the more you try to 'will' your hands free, the harder your imagination resists…like a Chinese finger trap You might think this exercise has little or nothing to do with your abilities with women but look closer; isn't something very similar happening every time you try to compel yourself to approach a woman. You are commanding yourself to 'approach' or 'be confident' while at the same time in your 'heart ' you are holding on to the idea that approaching women is scary. In fact doesn't it often seem that the more you 'try' to be confident and approach, the more intensely your  imagination resists. While with a massive amount of willpower you might occasionally pluck up the courage to approach the girl, in the long run your imagination will invariably win out and you will fall back into your old habits of not approaching. 'As a man thinketh in his heart so is he'  Proverbs 23:7 

Communication Problems  A second problem emerges in the teaching of formulas when we consider the inherent limitations of the communication process itself. As we now know when we pick up sensory information, it is not recorded exactly as it is, rather what happens is that the information is filtered through the PAED system (Perception-Association-Evaluation-Decision) and compared with old information. Because of this, the mind has a reluctance to step outside its own boundaries. Every new idea gets compared with old ones and if it doesn't fit in with the Mental Picture of Reality, it is often dismissed or  rejected. Have you ever had the experience of reading a personal development book or listening to an audio program and saying to yourself 'oh that wouldn't work for me!' That is just one example of how you are never really perceiving the 'whole' truth. Not only that, generally these dating experts propagate their teachings through books and DVDs which eliminates your ability to perceive the various non-verbal signals and information that could be picked up by being in his direct company. When reading a b ook, it is very difficult to read between the lines. Even if  you are able to spend some 'face time' with a dating guru, no matter how hard you try you will never be able to get a perfect match between the information he is the trying to communicate and the information you are receiving. The words, gestures, postures, inflections and tones will never trigger the exact same images and meanings in your mind than they will in his.

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Process orientation Thirdly, turning to gurus and experts invariably leads to an excessive focus on process as opposed to end results. After all a guru can't sell you an end result (that would make him a pimp) he can only sell you a process. In this way aptitude gets substituted for vision. The assumption underpinning most d ating experts' methods is that as you become fluent in a certain process, method or technology, the results will somehow magically take care of themselves. Its like saying if you learn the mechanics of skating, you become a champion figure skater. The mind however is a servo-mechanism which is naturally oriented towards end results. The mind works best and lends its creative energies most readily when it is given a clear picture of what goal needs to be accomplished. When you become too obsessed with process and method over your ultimate goal however, you fail to give the mind a clear picture of what it is you want. You essentially lead the mind into confusion when you become more obsessed with the 'how do I get there?' instead of the 'where do I want  to go?'  Process has a role to play in creating and manifesting the results you want to achieve however it is the ultimate end goal that should be the organising principle of your actions. Process should always serve the end- result and when a process ceases to be effective it should be abandoned and new ways found. This is how every great inventor and artist works. Edison and the Wright brothers started with clear  pictures of what they wanted to create, a light bulb and a flying machine respectively. Instead of focusing on the means and methods, they let the goal be the organising force for their actions. Because they did not limit themselves to a particular process or method, they were able to step outside the preset processes and prescribed ways of 'how things should be done' that had prevented their contemporaries from making similar breakthroughs. When you prematurely focus on process you limit the possibilities in which the goal can be accomplished. You may as a result, buy into some particular guru's 'right ' way of  doing things and fail to consider other ways which may be equally or more effective in bringing what you deeply desire into manifestation simply because the guru never mentioned that way in his teachings. Having outlined why we feel the traditional ways of teaching (especially in the field of seduction) do not work when altering behaviour, action and results for the better, in the next lesson we are going to show you a way that does. Before proceeding however, take some time to read o ver this lesson and write out what you feel to be the key points in your own words in the text box below.

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Lesson 9

Estimated Time – 20 The Power of Imagination

In previous lessons we distinguished between actual reality and the beliefs, conditionings, values and attitudes that form a composite or mental picture of reality. We also said that by and large, our a ctions and behaviours are based not on what is happening in actuality but rather on our mental picture of reality.  At once, you might see that your imagination therefore has a major part to play in directing the course of  your life, since imagination itself is the art of 'mental picturing'. 'A human being always acts and feels and performs in accordance with what he imagines to be true about himself and his environment'  -Maxwell Maltz MD, FICS The use of imagination is the staple of most self-help, 'Law of Attraction' and New Age books and courses. Much of the material espoused in these books views the use of imagination as some mysterious process that invokes natural laws of the Universe or allows you to contact some Higher Power who then grants you all you desire. This 'New Age' conception of the use of imagination has probably done more harm than good and has created needless divisions in opinion where there need not be any. On the one hand, we have the hard-nosed cynics who find such talk of a 'Higher Self' laughable and dismiss the use of imagination as a result. On the other, we have the wishful thinker, who embraces the concept of allowing 'the power of their subconscious mind' take control of there life. They waste their time in endless daydreams, praying and pleading with a beneficent God to bring them a Ferrari and a nice place in the sun; when their time would have been much better served engaging in constructive action. 'God will work with you but not for you'  -Lao Russell  While not dismissing out of hand the idea of some Higher Power or Guiding Force that controls the universe and your life, imagination need not be viewed in such a mysterious fashion. While there may be a Divine dimension to the use of Imagination, it is not a necessity that you believe in a 'Universal  Intelligence' to avail of the benefits of the constructive use of imagination. Imagination and the use of it works because it is based on sound psychological principles which are easily provable. As we will see, when used correctly, the use of imagination or 'mental picturing' can have a tremendous impact in directing and altering your behaviour. The benefits of constructive imagination are two fold: 1. Programming - As we have said, much of your behaviour is based not on what is happening in the moment but rather is a function of what has already happened. Your actions are largely based on the mass of beliefs, conditionings, memories and experiences that have been recorded in your brain and nervous system. For example if you see a woman you are attracted to, the question of whether you approach her will be based largely on mental associations you have stored in your memory bank. If these associations are positive then you will more likely than not, approach. If associations are negative, then you will not approach. So then all that is required for you to a pproach is to generate sufficient positive associations. You might be thinking at this point 'Easier said than done, how can I just generate positive associations? I've had next to no success with women and all my experiences with girls have been negative in the extreme?' Well this is where the use of imagination comes into play. Imagination allows you to in effect, synthetically create memories and positive associations. If you've never succeeded with women, you can create memories of success in your imagination that will be recorded by your nervous system in the same way as if it had actually happened.

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This is not as crazy as it sounds. As we've said repeatedly, when our brain and nervous system stores an experience in its memory banks, it does not store the reality of the situation or event as it actually happened. Instead it stores our thoughts, feelings and interpretations of that situation. More often than not, the conscious thought processes have something to do with an event that actually happened. You record your own distorted map of that event in reality and it is usually close e nough to be useful but not always. Sometimes however, you can experience an event totally in your imagination. To the degree that it is experienced vividly it gets recorded in your memory banks and Mental Picture of Reality in the exact same way your thoughts and feelings about real events are recorded. We can express this phenomenon very simplyTo the degree that you experience something vividly in your imagination, it is accepted and recorded as 'reality' something that has actually happened.  At first, this may seem to be a serious weakness in your physiology. It has of course, been a contributing factor to the various neuroses, compulsions and phobias you may currently suffer from. However, just because you may have used this particular mental process against yourself up to this point, does not mean that it is a flaw in the system. In fact a thorough recognition and understanding of this process is the key to directing your behaviour in the way you want. Can you think of a time you have experienced something so vividly in your imagination that it seemed it had become part of your actual physical reality? This can happen often times with a dream. Sometimes a dream can be so vivid, so real that you are later  quite certain that it actually happened. We are sure this has probably happened to you on more than one occasion Or maybe you have read a book, which was so compelling and well written that you became a part of the story or that the story became part of you. The author created such interesting, brilliantly portrayed characters, that you actually grew to know them. You knew how they walked, talked, ate and drank; you knew their innermost thoughts and feelings. You may even have felt a tinge of sorrow as you finished the book because you were saying goodbye to some close friends. To some degree, that book, and the people in it, became a part of your experience, your very reality. Then you went to see the movie adaptation of the book. What happened? A common thing heard when exiting move theaters is often that 'the movie was okay, but it wasn't as good a s the book!' This very common reaction was probably at least partly because what you were watching on the screen did n ot match the way it 'really ' happened in your mental processes- in your imagination as you read the book. Or how about the time you were absolutely certain that you had mailed a letter, filed that report, submitted that tax return? You could so distinctly remember performing that action; if someone had offered you a wager you would have bet it was well on its way.  And you would have lost the bet! Do you recall how surprised you hadn't actually done it? You had so vividly experienced performing it - in your imagination- that you knew you had done it! Experiment Here's a fun little experiment that you probably should try when no one else is around. Close your eyes and imagine a woman you consider very sexually a ttractive. Now imagine taking her clothes off, fondling her breasts and doing all manner of foreplay before proceeding to have sex with her. If you do this vividly enough, what happens? Yep, you guessed it! You get an erection. You may also get an irresistible urge to orgasm. Your body reacts just as if you were actually having sex with that sexy woman.

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This experiment is another way of demonstrating the principle that your mind cannot distinguish between a real event and one vividly imagined.

2. Cognitive dissonance - The second reason that constructive imagination works so well is that it creates an internal tension or internal conflict which motivates the mind to take action and expend creative energy in order to resolve.  Again lets return to our basic conception of things. First we have actual reality that we then superimpose over with our map or mental picture of reality or 'the way things are' . However what happens when something occurs that creates a clear disparity between outer reality and our internal picture of reality? When such disparities occur, the mind is immediately called into action to resolve the conflict. Now what must be borne in mind is that the natural inclination of the mind is to cling to the 'mental picture' of the way things are. The information coming from the outside world will initially be dismissed out of hand or  rationalised in some way so that it doesn't interfere or smudge our 'mental picture' of reality. Consider the young child who is emotionally attached to the idea that there is a Santa Claus. When some older kid from the neighbourhood tells him that there is no Santa, the initial impulse of the young child is to reject this new information out of hand, he may goes as far as expending energy in trying to get the older kid to shape up. The mind is in fact reluctant, to depart from its mental picture of things. That is why people generally go through 'the five stages of grief' when they lose a loved one or break up from a long term partner. Their  mind is so attached to the mental picture of this particular person being in their life, it takes some time for  the mind to adjust to the stark fact that this person is no longer there. This also explains why so many people struggle to break old habits or stick to new resolutions. While they may begin their attempts at change with vigour and virtuous abstinence, gradually that nagging little voice in their head will persuade them to abandon this new way of life. This is simply due to the fact that their  mind still holds onto the old picture of themselves as a smoker, drinker, fat person or shy reserved person. However, by the use of constructive imagination we can move with the tide of our mind toward the realisation of our goals. By continually imagining the desired behaviours, acts and accomplishments we wish to see manifested in our outward experience, they gradually get incorporated into our mental picture of reality. They become assimilated and digested into our mental picture of the 'way things are'. When the mind then perceives the actual reality of things, the reality where you can't approach women or  aren't dating a supermodel; it's impulse is to expand awareness and release creative energy to make the outer world accord with this inner picture so you are given the needed intelligence and motivation to bring these circumstances into your life. Again this isn't as far-fetched as it seems. Imagine for example you were moved into a slum tenement room, replete with rats, cockroaches and rising damp. Would you find it easy to adjust to such an environment? Or would you set about creatively, quickly and energetically taking steps to restore your outer experience to the inner mental picture you have of the way things should be? A final note  A few years ago, USA Today did a management survey about daydreaming. It was based on anonymous responses, of course, but that's a good reason to put stock in the results. The questions ranged from 'Have you day-dreamed about getting your boss' job?' and 'how you're going to quit one day' to 'How often have you daydreamed about having sex with a coworker?'. It was a fun survey, but it arrived at a noteworthy fact- 71% of those interviewed had their  daydream come through within 12 months. Now think about that for a second. If a random sample of 

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managers can achieve that kind of success rate with idle daydreams, what would your chances of  success be if you begin to use your imagination in a focused and systematic fashion? Why not try and find out? Join us in the next lesson to discover the specific technique you can use to put this potent force under your direct control, but before you do that, as always, take some time to read over this lesson and mentally digest what you feel to be the most relevant points.

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Lesson 10

Estimated Time – 30 Painting your Mental Picture

In the previous lesson we looked at the how and why imagination works so well in shaping and dictating your behaviour and ultimately the results you create in your life. In this lesson, we are now going to look at how you can begin actively using constructive imagination as an aid to he lping you realise everything you want to achieve in life. While many personal development experts and methods propose very complex ways in which to position your body and use your breath in order to maximise the benefits of 'visualisation'; the process detailed here is altogether a little less formal and a lot more fun. However, in creating the desired mental pictures you want to see ultimately manifested in your outer  world there are still certain steps you need to follow in order to ensure success. How to Paint a Mental Picture Step 1- Start with a blank canvas When are conceiving of a new mental picture it is best to start with a clean slate or blank canvas. This means eliminating from consideration all the things you have tried before or others have tried before. Do not consider the past at all and approach this process as if it was the very first time you have attempted any exercise or technique designed to improve your fortunes with women or your fortunes in general. Step 2- Decide what you want to paint Now that you have blank canvas, you need to ask yourself the most powerful question in the creative process. What do I want? Now believe it or not, most people have a lot of d ifficulty answering this question and often fall in a number of traps that you should be aware of: Firstly the question is 'what do I want?' not 'how do I get what I want?' The latter question is a question about process not results. Focusing on the 'how' this early in the creative process limits your effectiveness because you are not yet able to see where you are going. Because the mind, at this point, does not have a clear enough picture of what you want, by asking the 'how do I get what I want?' question, the answers the mind comes up with will be largely ineffective and incomplete. This may lead you to falling into the old trap of looking for help from outside sources, from gurus and 'experts' and this as we know brings with it it's own problems. Confusion results from excessive preoccupation with 'how to get there?' and not enough attention on 'where you want to go?'  Secondly, the question is 'what do I want?' not 'what is possible for me to have?' You want what you want. Denying to yourself what you really want serves no others purpose than to create stress and internal tension. Lie detectors measure physiological stress. Lies actually cause physical stress! When you are engaged in a practice of lying to yourself and continually denying what you really want, such stress invariable leads to health problems. Spare yourself that fate and simply admit to yourself what you actually want. Your mind and body will thank you. If the fact is that you want to marry a Jessica Alba looka-like or date 7 women at the same time, simply admit it to yourself. You are too e arly in the creative process to determine whether this is actually possible for you or not so just suspend disbelief for a while until you go deeper into things. Thirdly, the question is 'what do I want?' not 'what do I want to avoid or eliminate?' Do not allow your mind to dwell on pictures of you overcoming your shyness or nervousness around women since these images are too tightly bound up with your existing  ' problems'. Thinking in those terms only serves to drive such bad mental habits deeper into your consciousness. Again allow yourself to focus on what it is exactly you would want if you had nothing standing in your way.

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Step 3- Paint Your Picture Once you've decided on a general idea of what you want, now its time to paint your mental picture. Set aside 15-20 minutes from your day where you can go somewhere quiet and undisturbed. Close your  eyes, relax your body and get comfortable and begin to paint on the canvas of your consciousness the picture of what it is you really genuinely want. Initially at least, this may appear only as a hazy concept in your mind but gradually the more and more you take time out to return to the workshop in your mind, the picture will move from a fuzzy mass of  concepts into a sharply defined vision. The question often asked is how clear does my vision need to be for the process to be effective? The answer is clear enough that you would recognise the result if you h ad it. However having said that, benefits can still be had from continuing to dwell on the mental picture long after the picture has been sharply defined. The longer and more intensely you dwell on the picture of your desired result, the deeper  it is driven into your memory banks and the greater the cognitive dissonance it generates. Step 4- Letting It Happen Once the picture of the desired end result has been clearly defined in your consciousness, you will invariably find that such a result moves from the realm of possibility to the realm of probability and finally to the realm of definitely!?! Further as the disparity between the internal and external picture becomes more sharply defined, your mind will move into very creative territory in order to restore the equilibrium. It is out of this creative space that the insight, methods and means necessary to succeed will come to light in your consciousness. By having a clear picture of the 'what' the 'how' will emerge organically. Of course, this does not negate the need on your part to make plans and take action, but you will find that once you do take action, your mind will, this time, act in accordance with your wishes and will help in generating a momentum that will sweep you towards your goals.

 At this point, because you are only reading this for the first time and have probably not yet engaged in the creative process, you may feel that this is not enough for you and that you need a specific formula or set of step-by-step instructions that will ensure success. You want to be told that 'if you do X and Y and Z then you will get the girl'. Unfortunately such generic formulae rarely if ever work because each and every person's circumstances are different and unique. What worked for one person may not work for another. Do not worry if you are dubious about whether this process will work. Again you cannot judge the validity of this process by merely reading about it. This is not a theory that can be intellectually dissected, it is a practice that must be a ctively experienced. All we ask is that you suspend judgement until you have given the process a try and we promise that you will be pleasantly surprised. This simple experiment however, will hopefully help in assuaging any doubts you may have about the power of mental pictures in effecting action and behaviour.

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EXPERIMENT- IT'S A KIND OF MAGIC! Draw a circle on a sheet of paper, using the bottom of a mug or something of that circumference as a guide; then make a cross through it like so:

Tie a heavy ring or key on a string of about four inches in length. Hold the end of the string with the ring hanging like a pendulum over the intersection if the cross, about an inch above the paper. Now I want you to think around the circle, ignoring the ring and cord entirely. After a few moments the little pendulum will begin to swing around in the direction you have chosen, at first making a very small circle, but steadily widening out as it goes along. Once this is achieved, reverse the direction in your mind only and follow the circle with your eyes in the other direction. Now think up and down the pe rpendicular line; when that succeeds, shift to the ho rizontal. In each case the ring will stop for a moment and then move in the direction of your thinking.

If you have not tried this experiment before you may think there is something magical or mysterious about this. There isn't. It is simply the neatest and easiest way of showing how important imagination can be in the sphere of action. Minute involuntary muscles feeding off the mental picture in your mind took up the task for you. Mental pictures matter, so paint some good ones!?!

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Exercise 20

Estimated Time – 21 21 day regimen Exercise – 21 day regimen

The most important thing to be aware of before setting out on your Constructive Imagination regimen is the importance of actually taking the time to work on your vision on a regular and consistent basis, not  just when the mood strikes you. Constructive Imagination should be a practice not a philosophy. To get the full benefit of constructive imagination you must take it into your life and practice it the same way you do brushing your teeth or any other daily practice. Programming must become a common everyday occurrence that both supports and directs you. Most people miss this. Most people only scratch the surface of what they can truly achieve through the use of their imagination because they don't devote daily time to the practice. They do it when they feel like it and then complain that this 'mind stuff is a load of crap! ' Even though the use of Constructive Imagination is an enjoyable, relaxing and life enhancing process, you will find that when you commence your regimen it actually takes a lot of d iligence, commitment, and focus to stay on track. Don't underestimate the power of your own inertia and bad habits. Reading about the wonderful benefits of imagination every day is not the same as actually doing it. Telling others about this system is not the same as actually doing it. Thinking about how great it would be to be proficient in the use of Constructive Imagination is not the same as actually doing it. You can only say you are using constructive imagination when you are actually using Constructive Imagination every day, charting yourself so you can put together at least twenty one days in a row. To get you to stick with the program you are encouraged to do 4 things: 1. Cut, paste and print off this entire page and give it at least a cursory glance every day to remind you of  the importance of doing the exercises. 2. Use the chart below to keep track of just how often you do engage in the p ractice over a 21 day period. You only need to take 15-20 minutes out of your day to do it. At the end of 21 days practicing Constructive Imagination it should then be a fixed habit. Day

Have you taken time to work on your vision today?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

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18 19 20 21

3. Sign up for a daily reminder by entering your email address below. Your E-mail here:

4. Actually imagine yourself completing the 21 day regimen. Take time each day, it only needs to be for a minute or two, to close your eyes relax and visualize yourself at the end of 21 days having completed the exercises. Picture the above chart full o f correct marks throughout. Most importantly capture the feeling of  accomplishment and self- satisfaction of having seen the thing through to the end. This short little exercise will help lessen the necessity for conscious willpower when doing the regimen. What to expect at the end of 21 days? While it is difficult to speculate as to what will happen for you at the end of 21 days of actively using this practice because of its personal subjective nature, you will probably find that some of the following things may have happened. Firstly at the end of 21 days, your vision of your desired future with women should have moved from a hazy amorphous blob of dimly recognised mental images to a sharply defined vision of your desired end result with members of the opposite sex. What that result is, is again personal to you, it could be having one special woman in your life or having a multitude of special women in your life. Practitioners however have reported that after engaging in this practice long enough, the heart and mind usually settles on one clear-cut goal. You may find something similar happens with you. Further after the goal is clearly conveyed to your mind. The mind is given a clear target to shoot for. In order to restore equilibrium between the internal and outer realities, the mind, as is its tendency, will release creative energy and insight towards the realisation and manifestation of the goal in your outer  experience. You will find that once you know where you are headed, you will begin to evolve methods and processes that will most readily take you towards the end result. This is how the creative process works.  As well as that, you will, over the course 21 days, literally find yourself becoming the type of person you need to be in order to attract the desired circumstances in your life. Because the mind cannot distinguish between outer reality and vividly imagined inner reality, picturing to yourself the man you want to become literally causes the mind to record these images as actual memories. The more you picture yourself as a smooth confident ladies man, the more memories the mind records in its mental association banks. You literally think yourself into the man you need and want to be, one memory at a time.

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Lesson 11

Estimated Time – 30 Escaping the Shyness Trap

Up to now we have looked at and investigated the beliefs that have formed the root cause of your  anxieties and nervousness around women. We have also shown you a process in which you can start manifesting the results you want to see in your own life. Now we are going to educate you in a crucial step that is critical to your success in overcoming your issues your issues with women. While this has been largely hinted at through the previous lessons, it deserves to be gone into explicit detail so that you are left in no doubt about how you can finally escape the shyness and anxiety trap. By now you should be aware that your fear of approaching and shyness around women is strictly mind made. As we've said throughout this program in reality there is nothing remotely scary about approaching, interacting or flirting with even the most beautiful of women. You have simply accepted the erroneous idea of viewing the act of interacting with women as scary. This idea has since become habituated into your consciousness. You have thought the same way for so long that the necessary thoughts, actions and emotional responses which flow from this basic misconception are as automatic and unconscious as your actions when riding a bike or driving a car. It is a firm and fixed habit. Well the next question is how do I eliminate this bad mental habit? The answer is simple…just stop any activity remotely associated with your fears of approaching and interacting with women. Think of a bad mental habit, we've probably all had at one time in our life…infatuation life…infatuation.. Maybe as a teenage kid, you were absolutely in love with a particular girl in your class. The uber-babe! She dominated your every waking thought. You daydreamed about being with her. You put her up o n this pedestal. Chances are this infatuation was probably one of the most miserable times of your life; the perpetual sense of longing, incompleteness, the heartbreak when you saw her with another guy, the frustration at a love unrequited. No wonder Buddha said 'all 'all desire is suffering !'!' But what happened? At some point you got over her! You moved on with your life! Ok but how exactly did you do that? Maybe you found a new girl to focus your attentions on. Maybe your infatuation brought so much pain that you eventually had to let go…whatever it was, the simple underlying fact was that you stopped thinking about her . her . The very act of stopping this meant that the neural pathways that had been formed in your brain as a result of your romantic obsession, simply withered away through lack of use. You can never find never find a solution to your problems through the mind as your attempts to f ind a solution simply reinforces the 'problem' 'problem' in the neural pathways in your brain. Imagine for a second you had a fear  of t-shirts. And in order to overcome the debilitating effects of this fear, you begin to take medication. You may go to a psychiatrist. You may read the latest pioneering research in the a rea of t-shirt phobia or buy self-help books from noted experts in the area. But will any of this help you get rid of your phobia? Can't you see that in effect this would only be reinforcing the illusion that t-shirts are scary? From this example it should be clear that your efforts at finding a solution to your anxiety problem only reinforces the anxiety! Therefore in order to fully escape the anxiety trap you need to simply avoid doing anything that acknowledges the legitimacy or reality of this anxiety. Here are some helpful principles that you should internalise and follow in your life. YOU life. YOU MUST MUST FOLLOW THESE PRINCIPLE PRINCIPLES S IF YOU EVER HOPE TO ESCAPE YOUR ANXIETY TRAP.

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THE 2 RULES TO LIVE BY FROM THIS POINT ON! 1. STOP DEPENDING ON 'EXPERTS'!?! Stop deferring to experts. You don't need dating gurus, psychologists or shaman to get rid of your issues with women. You don't need to buy every set of motivational tapes or attend every workshop out there in order to get your problems with women handled; in fact these will only compound the problem. You don't need outside help. You created your fears and anxieties around women and if you created them, it is within your power to eliminate them. You've probably unconsciously overcome other deep-seated emotional problems before (such as that big crush back in high school!) it's not hard, it requires no expert skill, just stop thinking about the problem the  problem and focus on what you want (as we showed you with the Constructive Imagination techniques) . This rule applies to this product as well. Once you've gone through the program, understood the concepts and done the exercises to the best of your abilities…that's it! Throw Throw the program in the proverbial bin, delete it from your desktop, forget your password… whatever… just do not refer back to it. You are strong but you have made yourself weak by looking for he lp from the outside. This anxious habit must stop NOW! NOW! From this point on don't refer to a single resource, a single book, a single workshop or a single messageboard for help with your anxieties and issues around women. Up to now you have been constantly conscious of your 'anxiety 'anxiety problem' and problem' and being involved in various attempts to get rid of it. Inadvertently though your very attempts at getting rid of the problem, has meant you were holding the problem in mind thereby feeding the neural pathway in your brain. Now allow the neural pathway in your brain that's telling you that you have, for instance, a fear of a pproaching women to wither and die! Like a pot plant that doesn't get water and positioned near sunlight, your neural pathway will simply wither away if you don't give it any more attention. If needs be, take up a hobby or sport that interests you… anything to stop you from reflecting on your  anxiety problem. Read some great books. Go to the movies. Do fifty push-ups. Just get out of the habit of  navel-gazing and constant self-reflection. Stop trying to think you're way out of your problems…it simply doesn't work. Get outside and live your life!?!

2. SWITCH YOUR FOCUS FROM 'PROBLEM SOLVING' TO 'CREATING'  A large part of this program has been focused on your 'shyness 'shyness'' around women and on eliminating the beliefs and conditionings that have caused your condition. However while this process of knowing and examining the basis for your shyness is of help to a point, there is a point at which it becomes counterproductive. Continuing to think in terms of your 'shyness'  your 'shyness' and and in doing things to 'beat your shyness' only shyness' only serves to continue to bind the shyness to you. W henever you think of your habit, how it has affected your life and what strategies you can devise to overcome it, those very thought processes continue to fix your sh yness and anxieties more firmly than before. We have been trained by our education and upbringing to be problem solvers. solvers. We as people, generally approach life as a series of problems to be solved: an unhappy love life, a bad job, financial difficulties, chronic bad health etc. But a problem solving outlook limits your ability to create the conditions in life you want in a number of ways. Basically, our motivation in problem-solving is to rid ourselves of something we don't want rather than bringing into manifestation something we do want. If theoretically, we succeed in eliminating what we don't want, there is no guarantee we will have what we do want. If we succeed in eliminating shyness, it will not necessarily mean you will get the relationships with women you desire and therefore it becomes a

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largely pointless exercise. In the problem solving-mode, the problem itself becomes the factor that organizes our action not our desired outcomes. What drives the action is the intensity of the problem. Once the intensity of the problem is lessened, people have less motivation to act.

Note, what psychologist Carl Jung, said about the fallacy of problem solving: 'All the greatest and most important problems of life are fundamentally insoluble…They can never be solved, but only outgrown only outgrown.. This 'outgrowth' proved on further investigation to require a new level of  consciousness. Some higher or wider interest appeared on a patient's horizon and through this broadening of his or her outlook, the insoluble problem lost its urgency. It was not solved logically in its own terms but faded with a new and stronger life urge.'  Therefore, your focus from this point on, should not be on 'beating ' beating your anxiety issues'; rather let your  focus be on something more productive like 'getting better with women' . Instead of devoting your energies to solving your problem of shyness and anxieties around women, let the goal be on creating positive things such as becoming a better conversationalist, becoming more expressive in social gatherings or  getting a sexy girlfriend. This may seem such a simple thing to do but you will find that once you apply it, it as if your mind gives a huge sigh of relief. It no longer has to obsess about beating something it can never really beat; like the dog who realises he doesn't have to chase its tail anymore. Give up your problems your problems and your attempts to solve them and focus on creating what you want in your life instead.

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Lesson 12

Estimated Time – 15 Inner Critic and Inner Rockstar 

While it might be slightly disconcerting to think you have multiple personalities or multiple selves; this conception of things is in fact, not all that far from the truth. Throughout the ages, mystics, philosophers and eminent psychologists have all spoken of an essential duality of mind. These two parts have been described in many different ways- conscious and subconscious (or unconscious), right and left brain, self 1 and self 2, and even your lower and higher self. Purely for the purposes of being colourful however, we'll refer to them as your Inner Critic and your Inner  Rockstar.  As the name suggests your Inner Critic is the logical, intellectual aspect of your self. It covers the range of  mental activities that you are consciously aware of. It has its base of operations in your forebrain. Its primary activities involve discriminating, understanding and trying to figure out things. It has no real part to play in the doing of things, in fact you can't even as much as move your finger by conscious thought but rather it's role is to provide the necessary information for your Inner Rockstar to act. On the other hand your Inner Rockstar is all about the doing of things. It is responsible for fully 90% of  your physical behaviour. Not only is it the system that keeps your heart and other vital organs in perfect, harmonious operation. It also is responsible for all those big and little activities you can do without conscious effort. Walking, talking, riding a bike, driving a car, brushing your teeth, tying your shoelace, picking your nose, you name it…these are all done by your Inner Rockstar. Perfection in performance, whether that be performance in playing a musical instrument, giving a moving oration, painting a mural, seducing a beautiful woman is dependent completely on the instinctive, intuitive, creative actions of your  Inner Rockstar. Now these two selves were designed to work in harmony; to help you meet a nd overcome the various challenges you meet in the course of your life. In their truest function each has a crucial but distinct role to play in your growth as a happy, functional, self sufficient human being. For instance in learning any new skill, the abilities of both your Inner Critic and Inner Rockstar are called upon in varying degrees. Consider the skill of driving an automobile, initially your Inner Critic weighed up your options and decided that learning to drive would be something beneficial to you at that particular time in your life. Based on this reasoning, the decision was made to learn. You may then have employed your  Inner Critic again to decide on the best driving school to go to. Your Inner Critic was also needed in the early stages to learn and grasp the basic mechanics of driving, what the various buttons, levers and pedals did and so on and so forth. This initial period of Inner Critic primacy was generally characterised by frequent mistakes and tight, laboured performance. In order for you to actually master the art of driving, the task ultimately needed to be handed over to your  Inner Rockstar. Constant critiquing, analysis and 'trying' to learn needed to stop in order for success to be achieved. Your Inner Critic needed to hand over the reins to your Inner Rockstar and trust in its immense capabilities. This is the natural order of things and if you will reflect, this way has never failed you in the past. The real root cause of your difficulties with women is simply that you have disrupted the natural order. Instead of relieving your Inner Critic of its duties in order to allow your creative, spontaneous inner  Rockstar take over; your Inner critic is still in charge of your romantic affairs; over-analysing, critiquing and continually trying to figure it all out. It is there, sitting in judgement, criticising and directing everything you do and say. Before you e ven think of approaching an attractive woman, it is nagging at you, telling you that you shouldn't approach and giving you all the reasons in the world why a girl of her calibre wouldn't be interested in you. Even if you happen to strike up a conversation with a girl, it is still there meticulously studying and condemning every word you say or propose to say. Instead of making the act

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of meeting, flirting, seducing and dating women, the enjoyable act it really is, it has instead turned it into a soul destroying, frustrating ordeal. But it doesn't have to be that way. Deep down, you have always had the inner sense that you ca n accomplish more, achieve more and be more not only in your relationships with women but in your life as a whole. This has been your Inner Rockstar calling out to you. While your Inner Critic has done its utmost to keep the Rockstar behind bars under lock and key, it's still there, whispering to you, pleading with you to help break him out. It's the quiet voice that h aunts you in moments of quiet reflection when the Inner Critic is asleep at its post; the voice that tells you 'you've gone off-course. You're not living up to your potential. Your life can be better than this; can be easier than this. There is a better way! '  This has really been the unconscious reason behind your seeking out of dating experts and gurus to help with your  'problems'; the desire at the back of it all has been to liberate your Inner Rockstar. The difficulty with this however, is that your very attempts to free your Inner Rockstar have only served to cement even further your Inner Critic's supremacy. Your Inner Critic cannot 'learn' spontaneity. Charisma is not a mathematical formula that can be memorised. 'Coolness' is not acquired intellectually. Your Inner Critic won't get you laid! Only your Inner  Rockstar can do that! And as long as your Inner Rockstar is kept under the dominion of your Inner Critic, you will never have the success with women and in life that you deeply crave. In order for the Inner  Rockstar to be liberated, you need to stop playing by your Inner Critic's rules. In our next lessons, we'll show you exercises to do just that.

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Exercise 21

Estimated Time – 7 The Hat Game

If you've watched competitive sports you have often heard athletes referred to as being 'in the zone' . This is an apparently elusive state where the player or athlete slips into an altered mode of consciousness in which the conscious reasoning mind is, by and large, transcended. In this state, the athlete is often described as 'being at one with the experience' 'acting without effort' 'free of blocks, inhibitions, cautions, fears and doubts' or is 'acting spontaneously and creatively' ; similar peak type experiences have also been described by artists, poets or other type of creative workers. When the conscious reasoning part of  our self (what we like to call 'Our Inner Critic')) is transcended, it invariably leads to superior performance.

Conversing in the Zone However, while artists and athletes may have popularised this 'in the zone' state, it needs to be recognised that they are not the only ones with exclusive access to it. Every person on the street with the proper training can access this zone state and use it in their everyday activities. They can even extend it to their social skills and interactions with others. In fact chances are, you have unknowingly entered this state on numerous occasions in your dealings with others. For example with people you are comfortable or intimate with such as your family, lover or close friends, don't you find that conversation flows easily and rapidly with almost no conscious mental effort on your part? It is as if you just have to let the conversation happen and a force within you does all the talking for you. You don't need to think of what to say, conversation just happens naturally. You let it happen rather than have to make it happen. These 'zone conversations' often represent the time when you are at your most authentic, charismatic and charming. Gems of insight, wisdom and wit just seem to 'spill' from your mouth with an ease and fluidity that at times may even surprise you. What stops us from extending this 'mindless' conversational style to all our interactions, specifically to our  interactions with attractive women is simply that we allow our conscious mental processes to interfere with our natural inherent creative flow. This interference in our creative machinery results, nearly always, from our excessive concern with what other people think of us. In fact, while we may term this particular  psychological malady as 'excessive self-consciousness' it is in fact the total opposite and should more accurately, be termed 'excessive other people consciousness'  The purpose of our Inner Critic is to judge, discriminate and form concepts of the world we live in and our  place in it. It does not like working with uncertainty and intangibles but rather seeks to make the world as 'black and white' as possible. In effect what happens in our dealings with women is that our judgemental Inner Critic attaches particular values to certain outcomes. We attach a particular positive value on having a woman's approval. On the flipside, by putting that positive label on such an outcome, we end up placing a negative value on its opposite, rejection. The positive and negative labelling sets in motion thinking processes. We devise strategies that we believe will win us approval and more importantly avoid rejection. We become excessively conscious of how we are being portrayed and begin to pick our words carefully. While logically it may make sense to be excessively careful in what you say around the people whose approval you desire the most; the strategy itself falls apart for a number of reasons:

Excessive carefulness causes mistakes rather than prevents them  As we have mentioned previously, we have inside us essentially two selves. Our Inner Critic is the teller. Its job is to discriminate, to critically evaluate information, to draw conclusions, to make logical and reason based decisions and to issue commands for our Inner Rockstar (the doer) to act upon. In much the same way telemetry systems automatically provide negative feedback and command corrective action to ensure an airplane lands safely at it's destination; our Inner Critic is designed to let our Inner Rockstar know

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when it has gone off course and what corrective action needs to be taken in order to ensure your goals are achieved. It is meant to function as an aid to superior performance. However when the critical functions of our Inner Critic engage in excessive negative feedback, it only serves to hinder your effectiveness not help it. In placing so much emphasis on securing or avoiding a particular outcome, our Inner Critic introduces undue tension or stress into your human system which invariably leads to tightness, butterflies or 'stage fright' when it comes to actually taking action. You can see this principle demonstrated in many different ways. For instance, perhaps you have at one time, had to thread a needle. You may have found that while you were able to keep your hand steady as you picked up the piece of  thread when you actually came to the act of putting the thread through the eye of the needle, your hands began to tremble. Or maybe you have had similar experiences when trying to pour a liquid through a narrow bottle neck. When the stakes were raised, your body began to tighten and the natural fluidity of  performance was interfered with. In medical circles this condition is called  'purpose tremor' and results when people try to hard or become too o verly concerned about results.

She's not thinking about you While you may think that people are busy thinking about you, your value as a person/lover/employee etc; is that really the case? If you consider the richness and variety of your mental life, isn't it the case the most if not all your time is devoted to one magnificent topic namely YOU! From the moment you wake up, you are constantly interpreting events egocentrically: What will this mean for me? What does she think of  me? How can I get what I want? etc…etc… You only consider people, places and things in the context of  how they apply to you Rarely if ever do you occupy your mind exclusively on someone or something else. Your mind is too busy trying to find ways to make your life better than to focus on anyone else's lives.  And you know what? Everybody is exactly the same. Only in very rare circumstances, does anyone think about anybody other than themselves. Hopefully then, you can see what a complete waste of time it is worrying about what others think about you for the simple reason that no one is thinking about you !

It doesn't help you get the girl The restriction of your naturally uninhibited creative side by excessive 'other people consciousness'  actually defeats your intentions. While the goal of being selective in your words and actions is designed to give the best possible impression to the object of your affections; it actually accomplishes the complete opposite by giving the worst possible impression. When one looks at what women find attractive in a man, invariably the one single commonality the binds all guys that are successful with women is a confidence, a sense of ease and a certain comfort in one's own skin. In effect what invariably draws women to men is the absence of this strategy of excessive carefulness. Women like the bold, the brave, the risk takers. Why? Simply because our real creative authentic self is magnetic. It leaves powerful impressions on other people. When in the presence of such liberated personalities, we have the feeling that we are in touch with something real and basic and this resonates with people at a very deep level. Compare this to the inhibited personality, the person who has choked off the creative free spirit within. He is often described as being a 'phony' or 'trying too hard' and is universally disliked because of it.

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Harnessing your unconscious creative flow Upon realising the importance of your Inner Rockstar when it comes to succeeding with women, you may begin to realise why alcohol is often referred to as a 'social lubricant'. Effectively what alcohol does is to quiet the conscious reasoning processes of Inner Critic and allow your Inner Rockstar to reveal itself. There are inherent problems however in relying on such outside help. Your Inner Critical faculty does have a role to play in the course o f a successful seduction. While your  Inner Rockstar will lend itself to your presenting a persona of confidence and charisma; the Inner Critic is still needed for crucial questions of target selection, logistics and escalation. The goal is to have your two selves working in harmony, not having one beaten down and suppressed in the case of your Inner  Rockstar or alternatively sunken into a drunken stupor in the case of your Inner Critic. There are times when we will need the Inner Critic and times when we won't, times when we have to send it out for a walk, and times when we need to call upon it to do its job. Our goal in this lesson, however, is to begin to release the conversational creativity of your Inner  Rockstar. With the exercises that follow, our aim is to induce the ease of conversational flow you enjoy when in the 'merry' state of alcohol consumption or when conversing with someone you know intimately well, while at the same time still holding the discriminating Inner Critic faculty in reserve for when it may be needed.  As always the benefit of these exercises comes in the doing of them. If you don't do the exercises then the recommendation is to give up on your goal of improving with women as it is evident your resistance is much stronger than your desire to improve your romantic fortunes.

Exercises Exercise 1 The Hat Game(10-15 mins) – This can be done with a like-minded friend or by yourself. If doing it by yourself, take out a piece of paper and tear it into 10 or 15 pieces. On each piece you should write a particular person, place, thing or event. Make your choices as random as possible (i.e. Denzel Washington, Tennis, Cadillac cars, Vietnam, Duck-billed Platypus). It is better if you do not consciously deliberate over what you write, just write the first things that pop into your mind. When this is done, put the pieces of paper into a hat and shuffle them around. Now the goal of this exercise is to simply select a topic from the hat and talk e xclusively on that topic for one minute. When your minute is up you pick another topic and talk again for another minute on this chosen topic. You should continue in this vain until you have talked about all the topics in the hat. (*if doing it with a like-minded friend, just get him to shout out topics at you) W ith this exercise the goal is simply to talk. Don't worry whether what you're saying makes even the remotest bit of sense. In fact, keep your judgemental Inner Critic mind out of this exercise as far as possible. Open your mouth and just start talking. You are recommended to do this exercise once or twice a day for the next 7 days. Exercise 2 Speak before you think – While the common advice has always been to think before you speak or act, for the purposes of this exercise you are advised to do the exact opposite and speak before you think. When conversing with other people this week, don't become overly conscious of finding a topic to talk about or carefully picking and choosing your words before you say them. Just simply start talking about the first thing that pops into your head. Start this exercise with your own family, friends and co-workers and as you grow in confidence with this 'mindless' style of conversation begin applying it to strangers and other people you meet in the course of each day.

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Exercise 22

Estimated Time – 60 No One is Thinking About You

The idea that nobody is really thinking about you that much is really such a liberating one that you really should think deeply on it. To that end, for your next mission we'd really like you to prove this to yourself. For the next few days, every once in a while, pause, look around you at the mass of humanity moving before your eyes and realise that 'No one is thinking about me! No one really gives two hoots about what I do or don't do, they're all too caught up in their own lives, their own problems, their own hopes and dreams'. Take this a step further and really search for proof of this principle out there in the world. For instance, when in the company of your friends, dispassionately observe how wrapped up they all are in their own lives. Observe how so much of their actions are motivated by sheer self interest and about finding their  own happiness. Observe how often they rarely listen to you but rather are just waiting for their turn to speak. Apply this to workmates, shop attendants and the various other people you meet in the course of  your day. Don't exclude yourself from the ambit of this exercise either. You are a human being too remember. Simply pause and reflect on in the course of your daily life how little you consider the lives of  others or of what they do or say. Notice that most people really don't matter to you very much except insofar as their behaviour or words, directly impacts you in some way. Isn't true that people often seem like nothing more than objects in your experience? The exercise is not designed to condemn others for being egocentric or selfish; rather it is designed to educate you into the true nature of the egocentricity of people and therefore to free you from excessive 'other people' consciousness. Why worry excessively about what others think when the glorious liberating fact is they aren't thinking about you?

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Lesson 13

Estimated Time – 0 Introduction to the Missions

The Missions are a critical component to the 'Nervous Guy' Program. You MUST do them in order to succeed with this program. W hilst the cognitive techniques and constructive imagination program are a big help in altering your behaviour and reducing your anxiety issues around women, nothing does the job as good as simply getting out there and approaching and interacting with women. You will find that in doing these missions so much of what you have learned from working with this program will be reinforced and crystallised in your mind. By simply approaching women you will really 'get' that there is nothing to fear. 'Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.'  -Brian Tracy  The missions number 18 in total and are a specifically designed, graduated series of steps to take you in the quickest possible time, from your current level to a level of confidence and comfort around women in all scenarios. You will find also that by actually learning by doing you will develop good 'game' quicker  than you would if you bought a hundred informational products from dating gurus. You only know that which you can do! While some missions may be a bit elementary depending on your level, you are nevertheless encouraged to start from mission 1. By going through the missions in this ordered fashion you will reinforce strong elements of your 'game' while at the same time rooting out your sticking points. Conversely some missions may represent too far a leap from your existing comfort zone. It is a possibility that you may feel certain pangs of anxiety about doing a particular mission. In order to ensure you complete the missions, what follows are a number of techniques and distinctions that will help you eliminate completely any outstanding traces of anxiety. 1. Change your focus- Remember your mental focus in doing these exercises should not be to 'beat  your anxiety' or 'get over your shyness' as this will cause your mind to think in terms of your shyness and anxiety. Instead make the goal at the back of these missions consistent with your long term vision. Think of the missions in terms of 'getting better with women' or  'becoming a more sociable guy' or as a stepping stone to achieving your ultimate goal whatever that may be. 2. Don't look for your fear – In doing the missions; don't look to see if you are nervous because the very act of looking will cause you to find that you are nervous. Make no provisions for your fear, just approach the missions with the same state of mind that you would approaching any other activity in the course of  your day like brushing your teeth or driving to work. 3. Don't fear your fear, love your fear – If you do feel some form of anxiety about doing a particular  mission then don't worry. Just welcome that feeling up. Remember at all times, it is just a feeling. Learn to peacefully co-exist with the feeling without devising tricks or expending mental energy in trying to stop the feeling. The fact is that you CANNOT stop the feeling. How you feel in any given moment is the product of  very complex systems within your body over which you have extremely limited control. There are only 2 things you can directly control: your AWARENESS and your ACTIONS so just concentrate on those two things and allow the feelings of fear to do what they do. When you stop reasoning, resisting, rebelling or  attempting to manipulate your anxious feelings into oblivion, they will naturally resolve themselves by themselves. Feel your fear, welcome it, love it even and simply approach that girl. It is just a feeling and cannot stop you acting in the present moment! 'The key is not to resist or rebel against the symptoms or to try to get around them by devising all sorts of  tricks, the key is to accept them directly as they are'  -Takahisa Kora MD

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4. Focus on her, not you – In approaching these missions, get out of the habit of worrying about what she thinks of you or how you are being perceived. Instead, put all your focus on her. Put your focus on making her feel comfortable and in engaging her in good conversation. Be genuinely interested in what she has to say and who she is. By moving from an internal to external focus, your nervousness or anxiety won't have a chance to take root. 5. Don't skip ahead – Don't skip ahead and have a 'look-see' at all the missions. This will only lead to the discouragement and lead you to feel you'll never be able to complete the more 'challenging' missions. Let your focus just be on completing your current mission, not on the difficult missions that lie ahead. Be Here Now. Most educators agree that the best way to teach a child to act confidently and competently, and to facilitate the process of learning is to ask him first to perform small tasks well within his untrained powers. Self-confidence builds as these minor 'successes' begin to stack up. Likewise here, build slowly instead of  throwing yourself in at the deep end and you will find that by the time you get round to the later missions, you will have the needed confidence to complete them.

 At some point if you ever want to achieve success with women then you have to get out and talk to women….so please do the MISSIONS! Commit to getting them done in as a short a time as possible. Set yourself a deadline to complete them within a month or two. Deadlines are motivating as it enacts a psychological law known as 'Parkinson's Law'. This law states that ' A task takes as long as there is time to do it " or to put it another way 'Work always expands to fill the time allowed' . Without time pressure, you'll rationalize putting off doing the missions. With a firm set deadline in place, you'll know that every opportunity you have to approach a girl counts. So now you have everything you need to get started. You have cleaned out much of the n egative garbage in your head. You have engaged your imagination towards your ultimate goals. You have tools and techniques to use in the field. You know everything you need to now…so get out there and take action.  You must start the missions within the next 24 hours. If you don't, you never will. If you don't do these missions then make no mistake about it, you will never have the success with women you truly desire. You will continue to sit on the sidelines and watch all the beautiful girls walk into your life and walk straight back out again. This is your moment of truth. The hero's journey starts here..so what's it going to be? Look at your watch, your 24 h ours start now!

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Mission 1

Estimated Time – 30 Easy peasy

Say 'Hi' or give some other cursory greeting to 10 women today. As with every single mission on this program they have to be women you do not know. They have to say hi back. If some don't acknowledge your greeting, you have to keep saying 'Hi' to women until you bring your quota up to ten. At least 5 of  these should be women you consider attractive

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Mission 2

Estimated Time – 15 How do I get to the post office?

 Ask 5 attractive women for the time or for directions today. These should be women you consider  somewhat attractive or even better, women you consider very beautiful. You don't have to say anything else. Just ask the question, get your answer then leave.

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Mission 3

Estimated Time – 30 Slow Things Down

 Ask 5 attractive women for the time today. Alternatively you can again ask for something else like directions. These should be women you consider somewhat attractive or even better, women you consider very beautiful. With this mission however, slow things down a little. Relax your body language, slow your speech down and deliver the question in a low strong voice.

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Mission 4

Estimated Time – 60 Small Talk

Get in a conversation with 5 women today. These interactions should extend beyond the obvious conversation fodder of the weather, current events etc. Strive to attain some level of rapport with the person, be it finding out their name, where they're from, their job, what they're studying at school, last good movie they saw, holiday plans etc. Good people to try use for this exercise are people who talk for a living? Hairdressers, store clerks, receptionists, and many other people have jobs that involve talking a lot. It isn't part of the job itself, but they spend lots of time one-to-one with each customer and there is nothing about the job to stop them having a good old conversation. So they talk, they enjoy it, and they're good at it.

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Mission 5

Estimated Time – 60 Small Talk Part 2

Same as before, this time the 5 complete strangers should be women you consider attractive or even very beautiful. Again bank tellers, shop attendants or someone sitting beside you in an internet café are generally good 'marks' for this experiment. Whilst the natural dynamic of man interacting with woman may naturally lead to a level of flirtation, it is not necessary at this point that you use ' game' on her or try to 'pick her up' . Simply have a normal conversation that achieves a moderate level of conversational rapport. If you feel comfortable extending into very deep rapport then by all means do so. If on the other hand you feel the conversation descending into extended periods of silence then simply excuse yourself by saying 'it was nice meeting you, I gotta go, bye!' and then leave.

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Mission 6

Estimated Time – 60 Niteclub

Go to a niteclub or other social spot, approach 10-20 women (not n ecessarily all in the one night). These women do not have to be a ttractive, they can even be downright ugly. They don't even have to be sober. Simply walk up and say something. That 'something' can be romantic ( 'I just have to let you know you're very beautiful', 'you're really pretty I have to know your name') , corny as hell (' you're so pretty you made me forget all my p ick-up lines' ) or downright weird ('My cat's breath smells like catfood' ). The goal is simply to walk up and say the line, you don't even have to think about 'gaming ' her. If a conversation develops as a result of your approach, then roll with it. If not, then just walk away. This exercise can be a whole lot of fun if you make the goal of saying the 'dumbest' line possible and waiting for her bemused response.

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Mission 7

Estimated Time – 60 Niteclub Part 2

 As before go to a niteclub or other social spot, approach 10-20 women (not necessarily all in the one night). This time, the women should b e women you consider attractive or downright beautiful. Simply walk up and say something. Again the line can be funny, stupid or charming. The line doesn't matter. Just deliver your line and await your response. If she walks away so be it. If she engages you in conversation then you have the option of rolling with the conversation or walking away. It's really up to you at that point as for this mission you only have to say the line.

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Mission 8

Estimated Time – 30 Niteclub Part 3

Go to a niteclub, approach 5 women. They do not necessarily have to be attractive but if you feel comfortable then by all means approach the attractive girls. Say something that will capture her attention, something a bit unique but not outrageously so ('You know, you have a great 'walk'' or ' I can't let you go a step further without getting your name' or ' Cool outfit, I don't know jack about women's fashion but that  outfit really turns heads' ). Once you have her attention, move to trying to attain some level of rapport. At this point, your goal is to stay relaxed and indifferent to outcome. Don't get into thinking 'I have to score her' or ' I should be doing x,y or z right now!' Simply have a conversation and see what happens. If you find the conversation is going nowhere excuse yourself and walk away. If she on the other hands walks away before you've had a chance to really initiate a conversation then you have to approach other girls and succeed in getting in conversations with them until your quota is brought up to 5.

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Mission 9

Estimated Time – 30 Niteclub Part 4

 As in the last mission go to a niteclub, approach 5 women (again not necessarily all in the one night). This time, they should be women you consider attractive or even downright beautiful. Say something that will capture her attention, something a bit unique but not outrageously so ('You know, you have a great 'walk''  or ' I can't let you go a step further without getting your name' or ' Cool outfit, I don't know jack about  women's fashion but that outfit really turns heads' ). Once you have her attention, try to attain some level of rapport. Simply have a conversation and see what happens. If you find the conversation is going nowhere excuse yourself and walk away. If she on the other hand, walks away before you've had a chance to really initiate a conversation then you have to approach other attractive girls and succeed in getting in conversations with them until your quota is brought up to 5.

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Mission 10

Estimated Time – 90 Mini date

Similar to previous missions, go to a niteclub or other social venue and try to get into conversations with 5 women. As before, try to achieve some level of conversational rapport. This time however, push the interaction a little further by asking for her number or asking to go on a 'mini-date' with her. A 'mini-date' is where you ask her to come to the bar with you or to a seated area in the club or something along those lines. Basically it is where you get her to go somewhere with you while still in the confines of the niteclub. If she rejects you, it doesn't matter. The act of asking is all that is needed to complete the mission. If you (and more importantly her) feel comfortable escalating to kissing etc. then by all means do so (well..duh!)

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Mission 11

Estimated Time – 60 Daytime Venue

 Approach 5 attractive women in a daytime environment and start a conversation. Use any opener you like. Bookstores, coffee shops, internet cafes, college campuses are excellent locations for this exercise. This time avoid the easy option of bank tellers, and other service people in the course of their jobs. Focus on attractive women acting during their leisure time. Be relaxed about outcome, it is not necessary to get her number or anything, but if the opportunity presents itself then by all means seize it. If you find conversation dying down or her seeming non-responsive then you can excuse yourself and leave.

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Mission 12

Estimated Time – 45 Compliments

 Approach 5 attractive women in a daytime environment. They should be women you consider mildly to very attractive. Ask for the time or directions as before. After she has given her answer then you must give her a compliment along the lines of 'you're very pretty'  or 'I think you're very attractive' . Just say the line. It doesn't really matter how she reacts, the goal is to get you comfortable showing sexual interest. Just say the line and your mission is completed. If a conversation develops as a result then by all means roll with it.

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Mission 13

Estimated Time – 60 Persistence pays off!

 Approach 5 attractive women in a daytime environment. Try and achieve some level of rapport but no matter what do not leave the interaction until she ejects first. Stay in the conversation even if she appears disinterested. If you find that there are dead spots in the conversations, resist the temptation to leave. Let her leave first.

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Mission 14

Estimated Time – 60 Have a seat

Go to a coffee shop or restaurant and b uy a beverage. Wait until you see an a ttractive woman sitting at a table alone. Approach her by asking 'Hey do you mind if I sit here and finish my coffee (or tea or  whatever!)?'. Sit down and try to engage the woman in conversation. If you are running out of things to say you can excuse yourself and leave by saying 'Well, it was nice to meet you!' 

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Mission 15

Estimated Time – 60 The Art of Closing

 Approach 5 attractive women in a daytime environment and no matter whether you achieve rapport or  not, ask for a number or ask her to go for a cup of coffee or some other form of mini-date? It does not matter whether you succeed in getting the number or the date;  just the act of asking is enough to complete the mission.

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Mission 16

Estimated Time – 60 Groups

 Approach 5 separate groups of women today. The groups should consist of 2 or more women and at least one of the women should be attractive or very beautiful to you. Simply ask for the time or directions as before. That's it! Once you get your answer you can leave.

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Mission 17

Estimated Time – 60 Groups Part 2

 Approach 5 separate groups of women today. As before, at least one of the women in the group should be attractive to you. Use whatever opener you like, simply try to have a relaxed conversation with them. You can try to push to get one or more of their phone numbers or a sk for a date but it is not necessary for  the purposes of this exercise.

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Mission 18

Estimated Time – 60 Graduation

For your final mission, go out today and do not return home until you have gotten a number or a kiss or a date or something more from a woman you consider very attractive.

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